**Finding My Bonnie**

Chapter 11

Chapter 11

I looked at all the pictures of me and my family that hung across all the walls. Pictures of us at the beach, school pictures, family pictures that I used to dread every year. Sometimes I would give anything to be ten again, only worried about piano lessons and school.

A lot has changed since the last time I walked through my childhood home. I only live thirty minutes away, yet I know nothing that goes on in their lives.

I blatantly lied to Jay, but I appreciate the respect he has not to bring it up. Around the time my mother was diagnosed I heard through the grapevine that my dad left, and my sister was already in college so she doesn't have a clue as to what is going on. The only reason I didn't tell Jay was because I didn't want him to look at me with that look of pity he has for the last two months.

Throughout my life my mother has been the only one to show any support for my dreams. She knew I didn't want to be a lawyer or a doctor, like my dad wanted me to be. I wanted to be somewhere on a stage, touching hearts with my music. She told me at a young age that my voice would take me places people could only imagine.

Pulling my attention away from the pictures I looked towards the door once I heard it slam.

"What?" Jay snapped.

I shook my head.

Here lately Jay and I haven't been on the best of terms. We fight over the littlest things; him fixing my plate, asking me constantly if I'm alright, or just basically pestering me until I snap. Nine times out of ten the arguments are my fault but will I admit it? No.

I watched as he walked past me without saying a word.

Jay and I have been staying here, in my mother's house because it's close to the hospital, and gives me a sense of security. Jay didn't even question staying here. I appreciate all the support he gives me, even though I deny him time and time again. Low key I would be miserable if he wasn't here.

Jay came back through the hallway which caused me to realize I hadn't moved, nor took my eyes off the spot where he last stood. I noticed he has changed and was now in a black v-cut t-shirt with his gold chain around his neck, jeans, and his tim's.

If he didn't look good as ever...

"Where you going?" I asked once I watched him pick up his keys.

"Does it matter?"

I chuckled before running my eyes over him once again.

"I'll be back later."

With that he was out the door.

I made my way upstairs and laid down on my bed. Sometime after I must have dozed off because hours into the night was woke to the sound of a door shutting.

I got out of my bed and walked downstairs to find Jay staggering into the kitchen.

I looked at the clock and it is now damn near four in the morning.

"Where were you?" I asked.

I watched Jay open a bottle of water and take a drink. Once his eyes met mine I noticed how bloodshot they are.

"I went to a bar."

Answering my question with honesty slightly lifted weight off my shoulders.

"You could have drank here. There's alcohol in the basement." I said leaning my head onto my shoulder.

"I needed to clear my head."

I nodded my head, understanding.

Jay and I stood still holding each other's gaze for what seemed like twenty minutes.

"You alright?" I asked.

He nodded his head, "Yeah, you?"

"Yeah." I answered.

He yawned before rubbing his eyes. Sometimes he can be so adorable.

"Let's get you in the bed." I said walking over to him, grabbing his hand.

He hesitated but he gave in, following my lead. Once we were in the guest room I led him over to the bed.

"I'm sorry." He slurred but it was audible.

"Why?" I asked casually rubbing his back while he struggled to untie his shoes.

"Here let me." I offered before I leaned down and untied his shoes and taking them off for him.

"I fucked this girl."

His confession caught me off guard causing me to gasp, without realizing I was even doing it. I don't know why but it felt like someone had just kicked me in the stomach and knocked the wind right out of my lungs. I stood by his side not really knowing what to say. I can't say, "Okay" because it's not okay and I can't argue because I can't let him know I care.

I took his chain off first, then I lifted his shirt exposing toned body. I cursed myself for all the thoughts that ran through my head.

I noticed a fresh hickey on his shoulder that had me fighting tears. I ran my finger over it which caused him to look up at me. Although he is drunk, he still has a conscious.

"I said I was sorry." He said in a soft voice that in any other circumstance, would make my heart melt.

"You got no reason to be apologizing to me."

I also noticed claw marks on his back and that was the last straw.

I quickly laid his chain on the dresser beside the bed, and put his shirt in the dirty clothes basket. Assuming he could manage to take off his own pants I excused my self and walked back to my room.

How could he? How does Jay-Z just go to a bar and find a hoe to fuck, and how does he do it so carelessly?

After sometime I mentally scolded myself for getting worked up over something so petty.

I can't blame Jay.

I've told him we are only friends, that we can't mix business with pleasure. I've gave him nothing but mixed signals but when he acted out I denied him.

After sometimes my thoughts vanished and I found myself in a deep sleep.

A/N

I apologize for the wait! I honestly forgot about this story :((

I know the update is short but I will try my best to update tomorrow and make it longer!

Thank you for being patient and for all the support!

+15 comments +25 votes