Older Brothers

JACKSON A Pickup

I was just nodding off when I got a text from Tyler.
TYLER: come outside
I flicked the porch light on and stepped outside. I could see Graham's car parked a few doors down. Helen, I thought. The ridiculous red minivan that made him look like a soccer mom.
I waved my arms and ran towards the car. "What are you doing parked in front of the Bowers' house?"
Tyler shrugged and turned to Graham. "Good thing I didn't knock. We had the wrong house."
"You had the wrong house," Graham said accusingly.
I climbed in the backseat and started throwing things into the back. "What's all this crap?"
"Hey, careful," Graham called back, pulling the car out of the neighborhood. "That's my trombone."
I leaned forward and said to Tyler, "How's she doing?"
"Okay," Tyler said. His voice shook. "But it's supposed to be worse tomorrow."
"I'm sorry," I said, as gently as I could.
Tyler was silent.
After a few more minutes, he said, "I googled it."
Graham glanced at him. "You shouldn't have. You'll only worry yourself more."
"Nausea," Tyler said. "Fatigue." His voice shook violently. "Loss of appetite. Extreme weight loss. Bruising easily. Lightheadedness." His whole body was shaking now. "It started a month or two ago. All the weird symptoms. She told me about it, and I brushed it off. I said it was probably nothing."
Graham cut him off; we could both see where this was going. "It's not your fault, Tyler."
"It wasn't nothing!" Tyler shouted. "It's cancer! She has cancer! And I didn't help her!"
"You couldn't have helped her," I said gently. "By the time the symptoms started she already had cancer. That's how it works. You couldn't have stopped it."
"The earlier they start treating it, the better," Tyler said. "That's what I read online. If I had told her it could be serious, she could've gone to her doctor earlier." Tyler made a strange choking sound. Only then did I realize he was crying. "She could die, Jackson! She could die!" He made a fist and slammed it on the dashboard. "And it would be my fault!"
"She isn't going to die," I said, trying to make my voice as calm as possible. "It's still relatively early; that's what she told me."
Tyler went still. "What else did she tell you?"
"Well. When I called her the other day, she said they told her parents she has a good chance of surviving it. It's still in the early stages. They think they can beat it."
Tyler was rocking back and forth now. "So she'll be okay?" he whispered.
Graham caught my eye in the rear view mirror. He pressed his lips into a thin line and nodded. "Yes," I told Tyler.
Tyler nodded and pressed his forehead against the window.
In my head, I scolded myself. How could you promise him that?, I asked myself. He cares about her twice as much as the rest of us do, and that's saying something. How could you promise him something you don't know yourself?
I wanted to pray for her. I would've asked Graham and Tyler to pray for her too, except that I didn't know how that would go. Tyler and I are both very religious; so is Lexa. From what I can gather, Graham is not. Mike is somewhere in between. As soon as I can get Tyler alone, I will, I thought.
Alexa is pure light. That's what she brought into my life when I met her- pure light. The way she followed me around, the way she nagged me about things, the way she laughed at everything I said. I've never been good at controlling my anger, but for Lexa I made an effort. I teased her sometimes, sure. I told her she was annoying; I told her to go away. But if she ever needed anything, if anyone ever picked on her or hurt her, they would have to deal with me. Me, and her three other older brothers.
Over the summer, I didn't see much of Lexa. I remember one day I saw her and a group of her friends at the county fair. She spotted me from across the field; I hadn't seen her in two months. She broke away from her group, screamed, "Jackson!", and launched herself on me. I laughed and hugged her. "Hey."
I'm a tough guy. I don't mean to sound conceited; I'm only saying that because it shows how I had a bit of a soft spot for Lexa (and only Lexa). There was a boy who made her cry once; Tyler and I promised her we'd beat him up if he bothered her again. Much to my disappointment, he never did.
Tyler had a soft spot for Lexa too, but his was much different. Mine can only be described as "older brotherly". Tyler's was more of a romantic thing. In the spring, our Sociology class met outside every day. The field we held class in was full of little flowers, the kind my mom says are weeds. Of course, Lexa thought they were beautiful. Tyler used to pick some for her every day.
And he tries to say she isn't his girlfriend.
Graham is the kind of guy who jokes about everything, but is nice to everyone. I think he was the first of the four of us to try to be kind to Lexa. I knew he'd have a joke for Lexa as soon as we saw her.
I wondered what else we were going to do.
"Hey, Tyler," I said. "You said Lexa doesn't know we're coming. Isn't her family gonna think it's a little weird that four random guys are sitting in her room?"
"Her parents know Mike," Tyler said. "And besides, she'll explain that we're her friends. I doubt her parents will ask too many questions."
Graham finally spoke up. "This must be really hard on her whole family. I'm sure they'll be glad to have someone there who can make her happy."
I could tell Tyler was getting excited. He hadn't seen Lexa in months, after all. "She's gonna be so surprised. We can tell her all about how we came, and our plan, and-"
"I hate to interrupt," Graham said. "I know you're probably very excited to see your girlfriend. But we're almost to Mike's. So start looking for his neighborhood."
"Okay," I said.
"She's not my girlfriend!" Tyler exclaimed.
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