Til Death do Us Part

Chapter Five: Her Beginning

Standing in the middle of the almost empty living room it seemed like I was suffocating. sex slave? last letter? Assignment? Who was Tristan? What was she into? Breathing heavy he felt like there was too much inside too much he couldn't handle it hurt so bad....checking that Maya was asleep he opened the draw taking out his pocket knife his hands surprisingly steady despite the pressure building in him blurring his vision until all he could do was stare at the shinning stainless steel blade. He shouldn't do it his daughter needed someone stable someone who could handle life. A headache was building between his eyes tears running down his face he couldn't catch his breath dizziness swimming in his head. Without another thought he let the blade slip up and down his arms watching the crimson droplets drip, drip, drip to the polished wood shinning in the artificial lighting. The pain seemed to calm him bring him back to himself. For the first time he noticed Maya's cries and, wrapping his arms up he went to tend to her feeding her and holding her until she fell asleep. kissing her tanning cheeks he laid her down sat in the corner of the room and cried. He didn't know how much time past or when he couldn't feel the pain anymore his wrists stung but it didn't bother him. Standing on shaking legs he moved to look at his sleeping daughter still crying he rubbed her soft chestnut brown hair back.  

" I'm so sorry baby girl you need a mother... And a father whose stable forgive me I'm just not strong enough." He kissed her cheek again unwrapping his arms wincing slightly as it pulled the scabbing away fresh blood dripping down his arms. Going to his kitchen sink he washed off the blood and got some bandages wrapping the wounds. He needed to think and to find a way to help her. His daughter needed a mother who could care for her and he wasn't good enough but Kayla would be. 

" I hope one day you'll forgive me Maya I'm doing this for you. Lets go see grandma and grandpa." He stated dressing her and putting her in her car seat packing a suit case for her he called Kayla's parents. 

" Shay?" 

He sniffed wiping his eyes.  

" Shay what's wrong?" 

" I need you to watch Maya for a while I-I have to find Kayla." 

" Shay she's gone we have to accept that-."  

" Shes not gone I'm sorry i should've told you I've had contact with her but I didn't want to get your hopes up. Please just... Watch her until I come back."  

" Okay bring her over Shay." 

" Thank you."  

Putting Maya into the car he drove to the house carrying her inside her car seat. 

" What happened to your arms?" 

He ignored the question he was crying again as he kissed his daughters cheeks.  

" Forgive me Maya I'm so sorry I love you so much." He took off his necklace the one Kayla had gotten him for his sixteenth birthday which he'd spent under suicide watch at some nut house after attempting an over dose. He'd always cut but it had been the first time he'd REALLY wanted to die. She'd brought him a chocolate cupcake from their favorite bakery with a green candle and a bag with the strings removed but it had proclaimed in shinning letter with balloons 'HAPPY BIRTHDAY' in bright colors.  

" They took the balloons I'd bought and cut the strings out of the bag. She kissed his cheek smiling. He'd only been awake for thirty minutes he was tired and weak but he'd smiled up at her.  

" I love you Kayla." 

" I love you Shay and happy birthday."  

Tears streamed down his face as he stared at their daughter now. He was alone and he felt like it.  

" Shay! What happened! I know your not cutting again!"  

He whirled around suddenly angry. 

" And what if i was? What the hell are you going to do for me! Don't you dare talk down to me I'm going to find the woman I love the mother of my daughter! So excuse me for my not knowing how to deal and going back to my old ways but you have no right to judge me!" 

They didn't say a thing as he kissed his daughters cheek one more time tears once again flowing. He felt like that would be the last time he'd be able to touch her and the thought broke his heart. He told her he loved her putting his necklace in her car seat. 

" I probably wont make it back... Make sure she gets that necklace when Kayla get back...Make sure she gives it to her when she's older." With that he left driving the three hours back to the facility- at least in its direction. It had been over seven months since he'd been there he'd tried to remember every detail. He had to get her back even though he had a feeling it was the end for him. This was her beginning.