Not what we expected Riren

Hes gone...

 I refused to go in my room... if I did, what Eren and I did would become real, it cant become real. After dressing in a black long sleeve v-neck tshirt and some red skinny jeans before lacing up my combat boots. I grabbed my backpack and went to my black mustang driving to school. I turned the heat up feeling chills, my heart was racing and my palms were sweaty. I was scared to see Eren again after what happened, it wasn't like he hadnt tried to contact me. I picked up the phone once when he called begging for forgiveness but it ended by him saying his feelings had only gotten stronger so I hung up. After that he didn't call back and I didn't bother to think about it. I sighed sitting in the parking lot for 5 minutes before I got the nerve to actually walk in the school. When I entered I was greeted by a loud scream that almost made my ear drums burst.

"LEVI~" fucking Hanji, I sighed.

"what shitty glasses?" I said as she fell into step with me her arm wrapping around my neck.

"Wheres Eren, you two have been gone for the past two weeks?" I looked up at her trying and failing at hiding my shock.

"Erens been skipping too?" I asked softly feeling fear settle in the pit of my stomach as she nodded.

"We all thought he was with you." Hanji said as she waved at Petra who was standing across the hall.

"Why would he be with me!" I hissed defensively glaring at the girl whose arm fell away from me.

"whoa there, Jesus, isn't he your best friend?" My face flushed out of anger and shame at the way I just yelled at Hanji.

"he probably has the flu or something." I said dismissing the topic completely as she and I walked towards first hour chemistry. The day dragged on and on many people asking me where Eren was and I just wanted to kick the shit out of all of them but sadly that's not an option. I will admit it was boring at lunch we all sat down and Eren seemed to be the topic of interest being as he had disappeared completely. What I wanted to do was just ignore this and pretend I didn't know Eren but I know I cant. But that doesn't mean im not still fucking pissed because believe me I am. I sighed softly giving into my worries and deciding to go check his house after school just to make sure he was perfectly okay. As well as get all those assholes off my back who keep asking about him. I got in my Mustang once more driving to Erens apartment standing outside the door contemplating on whether I was ready to see him. I took a deep breath calming my erratic heart before hesitantly placing my knuckles against the door and knocking on it.

"O-oi! E-EREN OPEN UP ITS LEVI!" I shouted outside the door hating myself for how weak I sounded, but not a single sound followed my words. I sighed rattling the knob before realizing the pile of accumulated mail at the door.

"EREN! I WANT TO TALK" I screamed one more time before huffing irritated as I got back in my car trying not to feel anything at the thought of him disappearing. I don't know why I feel so anxious, im mad but at least he should text someone and let them know hes alright. I got home dropping my bag at the door and before I know it I feel the tears streaming down my cheeks. I ignore the tears and go to wash my clothes for tomorrow when I see it.

Erens favorite tan wings of freedom hoodie the one from that night. My hands trembled as I reached for it slowly bringing it close to me as I cling to it wetting it with my tears, I run to my guest room and curl into the hoodie. My heart was aching, what if something happened to that brat? What if he did something to himself because I turned him down. I squeezed my eyes shut letting the immense feeling of sadness course through my veins until I wanted nothing more to get drunk and forget. I wanted to forget what he did to me, I wanted to forget the look on his face when I hit him.

I hugged the hoodie tighter, Just because im mad doesn't mean I wanted him to evaporate off the freakin earth. I felt so helpless because despite him being my best friend I couldn't help but realize how little I knew about him, I had no idea where he went or where he could go. After everything we did that, that didn't mean I never wanted to talk to him ever again.

Is it really just my fault? his voice rang though my mind making me grit my teeth. He was right, he wasn't the only one to blame, I'm just as guilty as he is. The look on his face when he told me that really stung, it almost broke my heart.

"WHYCANT YOU JUST SHOW YOUR GODDAMN FACE SO I CAN FORGIVE YOU ALREADY YOU IDIOT!"I sobbed into the hoodie as I gripped it tightly. Wait... would I really just forgive him after what he did to me? Doesthat mean I wanted him to do that to me? I mean this is usually how it goesbetween Eren and I, he does something to piss me off and gives me a few days tocool off then follows me around like a puppy until he earns my forgiveness. Howlong has it been like this? I wonder as I close my eyes and fall into adeep sleep, my dreams plagued with nightmares. The days continued to pass and Iwent to Erens house every day for the next two weeks. I sat in class next to Hanjifurious and angry that he hasn't come back hasn't said a word to anyone and imtired of it. Ive tried calling his phone but its been off this whole time. Moreand more people continued to ask about him and I had no answer to give them.Maybe that's what made me feel worse. I had gone to Erens house this morningand he still wasn't home, I was too frustrated to even work on anything so Iwent to check to see if he was home, even though I knew he wouldn't be.