***2 days later***
-Tylers POV-
I pull my knees up to my chest. I've barely been home in the past few days. Instead I've been with Johnny. I know he's not going to wake up. Jordon and Matt have tried to talk to me but I don't want to talk. To anyone...except Johnny.
But today's the day. They're going to cut off his life support. I've said good-bye to him a thousand times.
Jordon and Matt walk in with a doctor. Jordon sits next to me and puts an arm around my shoulders.
"You sure you wanna be in here for this?" I nod feeling my eyes tearing up again.
"Okay. Go ahead doc." I push Jordons arm off of me and go to Johnnys side. I grab his hand and the doctor starts the final process in killing him. If he doesnt wake up now, he never will.
Wakeupwakeupwakeupwakeup!
The heart rate monitor slows and comes to a stop. I cant even cry. All I feel is numbness.
"Ty, lets go home for a bit. Okay?" Nothing's okay. It can't be without Johnny and Dylan.
"Okay." I respond quietly. Jordan puts his arm back around my shoulders and leads me out to the car. I rest my head against the window and stare blankly at the passing world. It all looks so cheerful. The people walking down the streets, laughing and smiling and having a good time with their friends. Damn it all.
We pull up to the house. I open the door and squint at the brightness. Once in the house I go right upstairs to Johnnys room. I lock the door and lay in his bed. I start crying. I clutch a pillow to my chest. It smells like him. It only makes me cry harder. How could he leave me like this?
*knockknockknock*
"Ty, can I come in?" It's Jordan.
"Please leave me alone Jordan." My voice is rough from crying. I hear him sigh and walk away. I burrow under the covers and just lay there. I let my mind drift around. I notice a movie poster of some kind on the wall. Theres a lot of blood on it.
Blood.
Knives.
Razors.
Hmm...I haven't done that in a while. Not in a long while. I shouldn't. But it seems like such a good idea right now. Let myself actually feel something instead of this heavy numbness. I'm gonna do it. I sit up and get out of the bed. Even that feels difficult. I feel so heavy. Like my body weighs ten times more than it should. I unlock the door and go to Dannys room. My bag is next to the bed. It isn't hard to find the razor within it. I lock the bedroom door then go into the bathroom and lock that door too. Can't have anyone catch me doing this.
I take off my shirt and peer at the scars criss crossing my chest. Most have faded quite a bit but a few have remained a bright pinky-purple color. I make one cut, but dont feel a thing. So I make another...and another....and another. Until the blood is dripping off my torso to the floor. Still I feel nothing.
"Why doesn't it hurt?" I whisper to myself. I glance at my pale wrists. Slowly I bring the blade closer to my wrist. There used to be a saying about cutting your wrists and staying alive. There was a boy when I was twelve that joked about it and said it a lot. To the best of my knowledge he never cut himself in the time that I knew him. The saying went "Always go across the street., and never down the road." I make a cut across my wrist. A spark of feeling courses through me. If I go up then that feeling should become more prominent...But what if I go to deep? Then I'll get to see Johnny and Danny. But you won't get to see Jordon, Danny, Jorel, and Matt. Fuck it all. I need to feel something. Even if it causes me death at least I'll be feeling something. I make a long deep slice up my wrist and forearm. The blood wells up instantly. I do the same to my other arm. It feels incredible. I begin to feel dizzy. I try to focus and stay awake.
"You can do it, Ty." I say faintly. A voice in my head tells me to lay down and close my eyes, let the darkness take over. That seems like idea. I sit down, instead of feeling the cold floor it feels warm and wet. Blood. I lay down and my vision gets blurry. "Go to sleep." says the voice. I let myself give in and close my eyes. So this is what it feels like to die. I didn't expect it to be like this. I didn't even leave a note behind.
No goodbye.
No warning.
Nothing........
