When Phil Left

HOW PHIL FEELS (Part 4)

-Phil's POV-
THIS CHAPTER IS A BIG TRIGGER, IT GOES THROUGH PHIL'S DEATH, IF YOU HAVE TRIGGERS PLEASE SKIP THIS CHAPTER, I DONT WANT TO TRIGGER ANYONE. YOUVE BEEN WARNED.

I'm sitting on the couch in the living room, when I notice Dan walk by. He's up later than usual. I greet him, in a sort of daze. I hide the dark circles under my eyes pretty well. I had to cover them with makeup today. I made my final video last night, and blocked dan on google+ so he wouldn't see it. I wonder how long it'll take for him to find out. Hopefully he won't ever find out about the video. I wouldn't be able to face him again. Not that I'm going to, after today.

Everything's been falling apart around me. My mum and my father are gone, my YouTube channel is a fail, I get more hate mail than I do from supporters. Twitter is blowing up with phan and all the 'evidence' of it. Yes, I love dan. But there's no way I can tell him. There's no way I can put that kind of pressure on him. There's no way we can let all our fans know, that this entire time, they were right. And we were wrong.

I can't do it anymore. My life's collapsing around me as we speak. Dan is getting together with Cat, and if that didn't break my heart, then I don't know what else could. She gets the man of my dreams, and I get to sit by and watch. Go on their little dates with them. It's torture to sit by and watch.

I choose to stay home today, as I don't know what other time I would do it. I remember dan leaving, as I ran up to the bathroom. I haven't eaten in four days. The pills are starting to kick in. I took them before he woke up. Everything starts to go black as I make my way up the stairs. I'm not even halfway up, and I'm fighting for my life. I'm regretting every decision I've made. I should've told dan. But he's out, and there's no way I can reach him, other than by phone. But my phone is smashed and I left it downstairs.

I hear a soft thud, realising it's coming from me. Everything from that point on is very blurry.

I remember hearing sirens in the distance, seemingly coming towards the house. What felt like hours later, a person, he must've been a paramedic, as he was very calm, came to my side, shaking my shoulder. "Phil, Phil, just stay with us.  Hang in there buddy. You're okay, we'll keep you safe"

I blacked out after that. Then I experienced what must've felt like hell. It felt like I was on fire, but then, I was free. I could float and fly. I had these beautiful wings that sprouted out of my back. The songs are black, with little blue feathers, creating a rippling effect. They are beautiful, to say the least. I'm above the ambulance as its speeding to the hospital, and I hear Dan, a piercing screen coming from the ambulance. I fly inside, trying to wrap my arms around Dan. My whole arm goes right through him. I try whispering into his ear, but he doesn't seem to hear me.

"Dan, I'm okay.. Please, don't be sad. Remember me for who I was and what is good for. Don't be sad, I'm happy now. Please, dan. Please hear this.."

And with that, the back doors flew open and I shot up into the sky, soaring around buildings, seeing things I've never noticed before. It was the best feeling ever. I was finally happy.