I roll over and find her side empty. I walk in the kitchen wishing she was there. Wishing she was standing there in one of my shirts and her underwear cooking breakfast with that gorgeous voice, and beautiful face. While I make inappropriate comments about her current task, and as she laughs, we always end up kissing. Our day normally consists of lounging on the couch, writing music with the guys. No we're not a real band. Just four guys doing what they love. For now. I wish that we were doing that but in reality my past months have been absolute hell.
My girlfriend has been in a coma for just about 2 months now. I cry myself to sleep every night with a bottle of scotch, and pictures of either us, or her. I spend my days there waiting, hoping for her to wake up because I know she will. People often ask why don't I just let her go. They think I'm keeping her for my own selfish reasons but I'm not, and I'll tell you the reason why I never let her go.
**Flashback**
"Cal?" She asks sweetly.
"Yea" I replied.
"Promise to never let me go. I mean yea that's that cliche bs but you know I just want it." She said hesitant.
"I promise you that I will never ever let you go. I would do any, and everything for you princess and letting you go will never be one" She smiled the biggest, and brightest as she leaned in for a kiss.
**End of flashback**
That is only part of the reason. I considered letting her go, because I couldn't see her suffer, and I thought it was her time, but something happened that everyone thought I imagined.
**Flashback**
As she rushed into surgery my hand gets ripped from hers. Tears streaked down my cheeks allowing me to taste the saltiness of the tears. They just keep coming, and don't stop. The guys are on there way, but I'm here waiting for how the surgery is going. There is literarily nothing wrong but a brain injury which makes it everything. All I can do is sit here, and cry. Alone because it's all my fault. If I would've pushed her to hang up like i wanted to this wouldn't have happened it's my fault. I kept thinking but the doctor tapped my shoulder. I looked up before I realized I was crying a lot harder, and the doctor said things that if I was gay and not in love I would've kissed him.
"The surgery went great. We did all we could, and now it's her choice" I jumped up, and hugged him.
"Thank you so much" I said crying like a baby. I ran back to where she was. There she was laying there. So many cords. Yet she looked so beautiful. I ran over and hugged her carefully.
"It's up to you baby. It's all up to you. If you wanna stay here you can, and if you're ready to go, go. I won't hate you if you chose to go. All I care about is you. I love you baby girl" I said to her. I grabbed her hand, and squeezed because visiting hours were over but I was coming right back, but before I finally let go she squeezed my hand. Then I knew no matter what they say or want she's staying, and she's gonna fight.
**End of flashback**
I think about that scene everyday, all day, but as months went by I wondered if I should believe everyone else, but I couldn't do that. So I do what I do best everyday lately. I walk to the cabinet grab my scotch, and drink until I'm too drunk to feel anything. I'm nothing but a depressed pathetic piece of crap, and that's all I'll ever be. If she never wakes up I'll be even worse. I'll be nothing what so ever at that point, and I won't need to here anymore.
My head is pounding, and the loud banging isn't helping my case. I stumble to the door way too hungover. It's fading away however. I open it, and find Luke.
"Yes??" I ask standing in between the door.
"Let me in Cal. You need help." Luke says in concern.
"Please give me another chance. I'll shape up, no more scotch, and I'll see a therapist. I promise." I plead.
"You said that last time" Luke mumbled sadly.
"I know but I didn't mean it last time. I do this time. Please Luke. I just finished the last bottle last night. That's it I promise. I just miss her. Her eyes. Her face. Her voice. Her smell. Her. I miss her. Then the tears came, and Luke comforted me. He pulled me into the house onto the cushions. I cried for hours on end it felt like. Then the phone rang. Luke answered it. Then all I remember is being pushed into the car, and speeding to the hospital. Luke and I ran to her room expecting her to be dead yet her machine is beeping. She's fine. The doctor comes over to me.
"She coded"
"What?!" I said tearing up.
"I really think you need to let her go Mr. Hood."
"Are you in love, or have you ever been in love?" I asked.
"Well no" He says.
"Then don't talk to me until you know what it's like for someone to mean everything to you, more than you mean to yourself. You'd do everything for her. She's fighting like hell, and I'm gonna let her. She's breathing on her own she's doing good so talk to me when she's doing completely horrible" I said and walked into her room to lay my head on her stomach, grab her hand, and fall asleep on her, waiting for her to wake up.
YOU ARE READING
All My Fault|Calum Hood|
Fanfiction"Mate we just got a call from the hospital Myst was was in a car accident" "That's not possible I was just on the phone with her.. Wait no" I sunk to the ground realizing what I did. "It's all my fault" I repeated over and over. "All my fault" Cal...
