linkin » muke

linkin (one)

"dadda, no!"

"linky, yes! you have no choice but to listen to me. i'm your father." i smile smugly at my four-year-old daughter. she huffs and sits on the floor stubbornly.

"i don't want a dress." she frowned with her tiny eyebrows furrowed and her baby arms crossed.

"come on, link. it'll only be on for a few hours and then we can take it off and put of something else." i reason with her. she still refuses to put on the pink dress.

"it's yucky. i want it to look like my hair." link shakes her head so her fake dyed metallic blue-green hair flies around. i let out a sigh and sit cross legged in front of my stubborn child with the outfit clutched in my hand.

"listen, i don't like this either but you have no choice. your mommy will get very mad at me if you don't wear it to her baby shower." link still shook her head. i had to think for a moment about what to do about the dress situation. there is no way in hell she's going to wear it. i standup and walked out of the room. the child watches her father leave and follows behind me.

"where you going, dadda?" she asks. i ignore her and go into their shared room, looking through our closet.

"would you want to wear something under it?" i pull out her black shorts and her ramones shirt. the smile returned onto her chubby face. i had succeeded. link wore her normal clothes under the pink dress and forced me to let her wear her tiny black vans like i had on.

"you look beautiful, princess." i peck her forehead and starts to brush her hair that matched mine. after her curls were brushed, she starts to brush my hair.

"sames." link rests her foreheads against mine as she did everyday. i smiles softly. the four-year-old then rests her hand on my heart, "sames."

i kiss her forehead and lifted her off the bathroom floor. i grab her back pack full of her needs and was out the door. buckling link up, i kissed her forehead once more. the drive was quiet but iknew link wasn't happy. not because of the dress but because of her mummy.

when link was born, brigit broke up with me and we had to have joint custody of the little girl. i usually got her, though. now brigit is pregnant and engaged while i still restock merch in hot topic and take care of little link.

"you excited, princess?" i attempt to cut the silence. it takes a moment for link to respond.

"does mommy love the baby in her tummy more than me?" my heart clenches. i honestly didn't know the answer to that question. she's never around anymore. brigit used to come by and pick link up every wednesday and drop her off on saturday. now i feel like she only remembers link on special occasions.

"of course not. you're her big girl."

"why can't you have a baby, too? so then i could have two little brothers." chuckling, i look at my baby through the rear-view mirror. she was swinging her legs back and forth and looking out the window as the trees pass by.

"because your all i need, princess." there was silence again. link was playing with her tiny ears as she listened to her favorite song.

in cards and flowers on your window,

your friends all plead for you to stay.

sometimes beginnings aren't so simple.

sometimes goodbye's the only way.

"dadda?"

"yes, princess?"

"is mommy saying goodbye to us to start a new day?" link was four. only my little four-year-old baby. she had such an open mind and a big heart. sometimes it scared me because she knew too much to be her age.

"she'd never say goodbye to you." was all i say.  silence was only for a moment.

"she did to you."