Know Your Worth

Loveless Jones

280 my scale blinked.

I let out a sigh of frustration as I hopped off the bearer of bad news.

"Fuck!" I screamed as I slid down my bathroom wall and buried my head in my knees.

All I could do was think of every "fuck you, fat bitch!" I've ever encountered.

"I am a fat bitch..." I said to myself as I tugged and squeezed my rolls.

I looked up at my full bodied mirror and saw how pathetic I looked. Self loathing was never my thing and it wasn't gon become my thing today.

Stand in front of the mirror and say all the things you love about yourself and watch how it overpowers the negative. I thought of what my mother used to tell me when I was feeling down.

I stood up and struck a pose in the mirror.

"Im a darkskin goddess. I have pretty little feet. I have no acne. My hair is naturally long and healthy. My teeth are straight and white. My breasts are large and perky and my thighs define my figure. I am not morbidly obese. I'm PHAT. Pretty, Honest, And Tough. And if all that ain't enough, I got some bomb pussy." I sang as I embraced my naked body.

I finally got out my feelings and I was back to my normal, spunky self.

My phone vibrated.

Char: Bitch... We out to go find you a man, tonight.

I exhaled.

Lemme tell y'all a lil bit bout me. My name is Niyari Noelle Jones. I'm 20 and I live alone in a little brownstone up in Harlem. Both my parents are deceased. My mother went missing and was found dead in Central Park, and my pops died from prostate cancer about two years ago.

I'm at a stage in life where my emotions are unstable... And I'm very vulnerable.

I've messed with hella guys from left to right looking for the right one but so far, they've all been nothing but fuck niggas.

I have no family I know of and I was the only child.

The only friends I have are Chardonnay and Carter, and they're my best friends.

I own a salon even though I don't vibe with females much. Say what you want about that, but I know myself- and I get along with guys way easier.

I know what you're thinking.
If that's so, how come you're single?

Well I never said it gave me a advantage in relationships. Guys will be guys.

Anyways, about my bestfriends....Chardonnay is gay and has been my main bitch and a customer for years. Carter is straight and we knew eachother ever since we were little.

Carter used to tease me about my weight when we were kids until one day, I got tired and fucked his ass up. After that, It was nothing but respect.
We grew up and soon he was fighting niggas for me, that's how we got even closer. That's my rider right there.

I ain't got a man, so if y'all know any cute guys over 6 ft tall with tattoos and a big dick, can you swing him my way? Thanks.

Chardonnay always tryna hook me up and lately, it's been nothing but heartbreaks and one night stands.

'I had fun. Call me, sometime.' And right after they say that, I forget about them and they do the same.

I really don't feel like going out tonight, but I know Char ain't gon let me live.

Where we going? I responded.

Char: Queens, Where the niggas like their bitches thick, okay? So be ready, I'll be there by 10. Smooches! Xoxo

Who the fuck still writes 'xoxo'? This ain't middle school, bih.

I rolled my hair up in flexi rods and stood at my closet, looking for a outfit.

Because I was my own boss, I was making a lot of money and my closet was all designer. Next to eating, shopping was my all time favorite thing to do when I was bored, so I had alot to choose from.

Girl if I told you I love you
That doesn't mean that I don't care, oooh
And when I tell you I need you
Don't you think that I'll never be there, ooooh
Baby I'm so tired of the way you turn my words into
Deception and lies
Don't misunderstand me when I try to speak my mind
I'm only saying what's in my heart
Cupid doesn't lie
But you won't know unless you give it a tryyy "

I sang "Cupid" by 112 as I went through my wardrobe.

It was winter time and it was cold out, so I picked out  my Balenciaga suede and leather jacket accompanied by a simple black shirt beneath, my Alexander Wang skinnies, and Christian Louboutin "Fierce" platform ankle boots.

"Yesssssssss." I smiled, satisfied.

I hopped into the shower and anticipated the night ahead.

Lord, hear my prayer... No fuck niggas tonight, please.

***

Niyari In M/M