Book By Its Cover (Phan AU)

Chapter 1

Dan hadn't eaten in months. Well, not properly. His pants that used to fit him perfectly were loose on his hips, and his t-shirts that once complimented his torso so well we're now hanging limply around his shoulders, causing his collarbones to peep out from underneath the fabric. He wasn't shocked, though. His diet was worse than those measly portions you hear that some models eat. He'd wake up, go to school, skip lunch saying the food was gross and he'd eat later, then go home to eat a granola bar or an apple, (not because he wanted to, but because he needed to) and then do homework and sleep until dinner came, but his parents were almost never home to monitor his eating habits.

Don't go and get the wrong idea, though. Dan had loved his body. It might not have been perfect to others, but he was perfectly content with it. He just lost the desire to eat; to do anything, really. Food just never satisfied him. Nothing did.

Dan had tried guzzling alcohol by the bottle, smoking until his mouth was dry-although that disgusted him,- sleeping away his thoughts, and even regretfully self harming once. But nothing ever filled that empty slot in his life. And he didn't know what was missing. One day, that puzzle piece slowly started drifting away until it was merely a memory. He didn't even notice it until it was gone. Dan couldn't shake the loneliness that no sloppy hook up could heal. That no girl could heal. That nobody could heal.

Dan sighed and ran his fingers through his hair and looking back up at his teacher, loathing himself for that self-pity party he just threw. Dan knew that he should tell one of his friends about his problems, but he knew they wouldn't understand. Because they weren't real friends. They saw Dan for the guy who always helped others, and was unconditionally kind and accepting towards literally everyone, not the guy who was human too, and had jus as many problems as the next guy.

That was simply Dan's image. He was the most popular guy in school. Not because he was a bully, or a dick, or a jock, but because he was loving and accepting, and tried to never hurt anyone's feelings. It got so hard sometimes, but he knew that everyone would hate him if he snapped, and he already needed more company than he had. He needed true friends. Even if it was just one. Dan could settle for one.

Dan zoned out on the rest of his math class, absent-mindless watching as his teacher lazily drew cubes and three dimensional figures on the chalkboard. The loud shrill shriek of the class bell rang through the halls, causing all of the students to scramble out of their seats and into the halls. Mr. Marks said something about homework, not expecting anyone to really listen. He, too, shuffled some loose worksheets into his binder and stood, eager to leave campus.

"Hey, Dan, wait!" A high voice called from behind him. Dan instantly placed the voice, but turned away, greeting his friend.

"Hey, Cat," Dan smiled genuinely. She was probably his closest friend, but she was just like the others-not bothering to get to know the real Dan Howell. It isn't intentional, he's sure. Cat is one of the nicest girls in school. Dan doesn't know why he isn't attracted to her. She's beautiful, funny, passionate, and sweet. But he can't have feelings for her, despite how hard he tries.

"So, are you going to Noah's party this weekend?" She asked, tapping the spine of her textbook as they walked into the hallway. Ah, Noah. The cliché "jock" of the school. He's kind of hot though, but he'd never go for him. Not that he would anyway, he's straight. As a pole. Certainly. He's very straight. He told himself everyday, so it must be true. Right? Anyways, if he were gay, he wouldn't go for him. At Bellfield high school, there's two popular groups. The regular populars, kind of nice and snobby (the one he's in,) and the straight up bitches and douche bags, who mercilessly bully and tease kids, beating them to a pulp and not thinking twice on it. He shuddered thinking about what could've happened to someone to make them so cruel and spiteful.