Habits

chapter 9|security blankets

Kacys POV
I woke up next to Shawn in bed. he had given me new clothes since last night. anything Shawn gave my extreme comfort so these clothes, this bed, and
just him made me extremely happy. I rolled over and found him on his
phone.

"oh hey" he said.

he seemed kind of mad.

"hey? what's wrong" I said sitting up.

"nothing" he said rolling back over.

"Shawn what's wrong"

"nothing"

"Shawn"

"Kacy"

"Shawn what's wrong"

"OH MY GOD KACY" he said getting up out of the bed.

"what what what im sorry for pestering!" I said chasing him into the bathroom.

"Kacy get out" he said holding the door.

"see your mad" I said crossing my arms

"Kacy I'm not mad"

"then what are you?" I said making a face.

"you really want to know what's wrong with me?" he said.

"I would love too" I said

"you can't be alone for literally an hour. you let Matthew and Jack pull you around and tease you and use you and when it falls you come back to me. I totally don't mind being your support and stuff like, I live for it. I'm your best friend. but last night was not a good night. you have to think about me and my life too Kacy. I'm not here to be your chauffeur when your drunk or high or in trouble. I don't mind it, but when it was last night, which is also the big date night with Olivia and I have to cancel to come get you it becomes a problem. please think before you make actions and realize I have a life even if you think I don't"

then he slammed the bathroom door leaving me speechless.
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walking on the side of a road alone at 7 in the morning really makes you re consider your life. after Shawn's blowout with me, I changed into my clothes, grabbed my phone, and started walking. my car was at jacks and I was all alone. I didn't know who to call because Matthew and Jack were both on shaky conditions with me at the moment, and Shawn was out of the question. neither one of the boys had called, or even texted after last night. I kept walking, kicking a rock as I went. the rock was me, my foot was Jack and Matthew, and the cement was all odds and obstacles in my way of happiness. I felt like crying. I was literally alone and I hated it. Shawn was right. I'm a clingy, annoying, obsessive person who can't be alone for even one night. maybe that's why nights were so hard at my moms. not the smell of alcohol and vomit, not the piles of dirty trash and dishes, not the rude, dramatic personality, it was having to be alone. no one was in the bed with me. no one was there for me to wrap my arms around and no one was there to comfort me when I couldn't sleep or woke up to a bad dream. people are like my security blankets. most kids have one and they keep it for a long time. because I wasn't given one as a child, I latch on to people.

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I finally made it to Jacks house. I didn't even bother going inside, I just grabbed my keys from the bottom of the flower pot, where I always left them, and got in my car. as I was plugging my phone in, the passenger door opened and Jack got in.

"wanna go on and adventure?" he said all giggly

"an adventure?" I said.

"well duh?" he said matter-of-factly

"ok and where too" I said crossing my arms.

"Lake Powell, it's me Matthew, Aaron, Evan, Evan's sister Lila, and Amanda, from school"

"your bringing Matthew?" I said with one eyebrow raised.

"it's Aaron's dad's house boat and toys and he wanted Matthew to come and so I mean I can't really change that." jack said shrugging.

"when do we leave"

"uh, now" he said grabbing a bag from outside of the car.

"and we're taking my car?" I said looking at him.

"yeah and it's a long drive and it's already 10 so we better hurry" he said shutting the door.

I rolled my eyes and started the car.

Lake Powell or bust?