Forged: A Spark

Three

My mother frowns at me a little. Obviously she doesn't understand much already. "Robert invited who over for dinner?"

"Tobias." I reply. "Tobias Eaton, the same Tobias that left me for Dauntless six years ago, the same Tobias that protected me and cared about me. He came over for dinner tonight with his girlfriend."

"What happened?" My mother questions, her tone obviously curious. "Please Beatrice, I need to understand this."

I shake my head and sit beside her carefully. "Robert came home and told me he needed clearance. I didn't know what he needed, but then he explained he wanted to invite two of his Dauntless associates over for dinner. I wanted to deny so badly, mom, I really did... but I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't disappoint him like that."

My mother nods in understanding, and flashes me a half smile that tells me to continue. She runs her fingers through my hair that she has pulled the pins from.

"So I made dinner for the four of us." I continue. "I changed as company came to the door. At first, all I noticed was Christina, the girl beside him. But as I sat across from Robert, I noticed Tobias. He introduced himself as Four Johnson. I don't know what that means, but beside that point, it was awkward. I felt so bad... so selfish... I wanted to hurt him, and yell at him, and scream at him and I probably would have, if Robert wasn't there."

My mother sighs at me and shakes her head, but she doesn't seem disappointed. "I understand your pain, darling, really, I do. What happened after that?"

"He helped me clean up the dishes." I reply, my head now against my mother's shoulder. "And then he began talking to me. He said that he felt guilty every day because he left me behind the way he did. He told me I couldn't ignore him. And he said he could make things better, than we could."

"And how did you reply?" My mother questions, her voice which is no longer soft, but more curious.

"I told him that I could ignore him, and that there was no we and I told him that he made his own choices and that I made mine. I said we were both selfish in our own ways. And then he told me that a spark doesn't die out, it can be ignited at any time again."

My mother lets out a quiet chuckle. "It's an old saying. It means to rekindle something. Maybe he wants to be friends again."

I shake my head. "Mother, how can I be friends with someone like that? I know we speak of forgiveness, but where is the line drawn at?"

My mother seems stunned by my sudden outbursts. They have been coming a lot more frequently. "Something tells me that isn't all."

I shake my head and turns to her, fresh tears bright in my eyes once more. "I don't know why this makes me so upset, but he said he didn't love me. He looked his girlfriend straight in the eye and said he didn't love me. I don't know why it made me so upset, mom. I don't know why I eavesdropped; I don't know why I began crying." I shake my head to rid myself of the thoughts of Tobias.

But why should I care about affection from another man? I am married to Robert."

"Abnegation men can be stubborn with affection." My mother replies somberly. "Are you two intimate?"

My face turns hot and I shake my head. "No, we haven't been in a long time." It makes me worry. Do not all men desire to love another woman?

My mother slightly smiles at me. "Do not worry, Beatrice. Some men are like that, and unfortunately Abnegation prohibits many signs of love, but everything will work out. Everything will work itself out in the end. You believe that, don't you?"

I nod my head. "I do believe that, mom." That is one thing I never stopped believing since Tobias left.

My mother faintly smiles at me again. "Now, let's get you back home. Robert will begin to worry."

Robert did worry, but not as much as I expected him to. He was concerned about my red face. I insisted I had kept sneezing, and my mother had given me some medicine. I was lying in bed when I heard him on the phone.

"You gave Beatrice medicine?" I heard his voice and froze. I am facing the small window lying down. Maybe my mother won't lie to him.

My heart rate calms down when he sighs in relief. "Yes, thank you. I'm just glad she is alright. I love her."

Robert does not speak of affection often, especially to someone like my mother, but it is a calming reassuring gesture. Ever since we married, Robert assured me that he meant for what we had to work through everything, until the day that we would die.

I open my eyes and turn to the doorway where he stands. He comes to lie beside me and brushes my hair back behind my ear. He gives me a firmly kiss and moves close to me.

"Are you feeling better?" He questions me. I nod my head.

"I guess I was just tired." My voice implies this as well.

Robert chuckles at me, lying close to me, his arms around me. "Are you still tired?"

I nod my head. "I am, really."

He kisses the top of my head. "I'm sorry about Tobias, Beatrice."

"You knew?" I question with surprise.

He raises an eyebrow at me. "Did I know what?"

I shake my head. "I don't think I understood you. I'm sorry."

He smiles faintly. "I accept your apology, Beatrice. And I meant that I know seeing Dauntless people brings back his memories."

So maybe Robert doesn't know for now, and that's okay, but someday he will know that Tobias was less than five feet from me, and someday he will know that a part of me can never let him go. But for now, I smile at him as best as I can, and bottle up my feelings for Tobias as best as I can.

Throughout the evening, as I lay there against my husband, in a large gray shirt, I am able to count the things I am blessed for in life, like the comfort of my mother, and the pride from my father.

I have the comfort of my husband, and while no family is perfect, we have us. We both have our independent lives, but come home to each other every day with gratitude and selflessness to one another.

And glancing to a sleeping Robert beside me, I can close my eyes and be thankful for the fact that I am never alone. I begin to hope that maybe I won't need to see Tobias anymore, but something in me doubts that.

It is the middle of the night when I open my eyes. Something stains my pillowcase. I don't know if it is tears from my conflicting day, or stress from the nightmares that plague my mind of abandonment from Robert, from the life I gave everything to, but somehow I think of Tobias.

I wonder what would happen if I went with him, or if he stayed with me. Would we be here like this, lying in a small paper community, curled up with each other, pretending like everything is okay in the world? Or would we simply be lost with each other as we are without?

By his navy blue eye soft gaze today, and his held back emotions, and his hesitancy to tell Christina the truth that sounded like a desperate attempt at a lie, my mind begins to swirl. I don't know what time it is when I shut down, but all I can do is let my mind wander and hope that something rids me of this torment.

B<AB9쨧