Andrew.

Chapter 1: The Funeral

Andrew looked at himself in the mirror as he tied his black bow tie. He never thought a day like this would come. A day where he would have to bury his girlfriend.
He was all dressed in black with his eulogy in his left jacket pocket. He didn't know if he could even read it to the crowd of mourners without bursting into tears. Those were the people that loved Alice and that she loved. Those were the people expecting this 17 year old boy to bury his girlfriend and read a speech about it. Those were the people whose lives he entered. The people who watched him change their beloved daughter's, niece's, cousin's, granddaughter's, best friend's life. He would be the last person to memorialize Alice Madelynn Hanson. The last words were his before her body was buried six feet under, and he would have to throw a handful of dirt onto the coffin. The coffin where his best friend and whole world laid in. Alice was gone.

He heard a knock on his bedroom door. It was his mother, Kathleen.
"Yeah?" He replied to the knock.
He heard her take a deep breath in, "It is time to go bury her," she said almost in a whisper.
"I'm ready," he gulped and a lump formed in his throat. As he walked out of his room his sister did something no one planned. She grabbed him in a hug and talked softly into his ear. He nodded and she kissed his cheek, something she rarely did.
"I love you Drew. Good luck." She gave him one last good squeeze.

The car ride to the cemetery was long and aching. Every second that passed was another second that she was supposed to be alive. Another second where she was supposed to be living and loving him. Another second of keeping it real with her. Now that was all gone.
His mother parked where all the other cars were and then they slowly made their way over to Alice's parents.
Trish, her mom, immediately pulled Andrew into a hug and thanked him for coming. She said the usual statement of "Alice would be so thrilled that you are here." Everyone knew Alice loved Andrew with all that she had to give. He was one of the first things to ever make her happy in the world that she lived in. The world of depression.

Andrew sat down in front of the crowd of people with others who were speaking. First it was her step sister. Then her two brothers said some words together. Then her step father smoothly stood tall without any tears and spoke beautiful words about her. Next to go were her grandparents. And last before Andrew was to go was her mother.
Up at the stand she cried. She couldn't get her first few words out without stumbling and starting to tear up. She never thought she would have to bury her daughter. No parent ever wants that ever. Alice's step father ended up coming up to the stand to comfort Trish and helped her read the rest of her goodbye.
Suddenly it was Andrew's turn. His turn to make everyone into a waterworks again, and say the final goodbye to Alice.
He walked up to the stand and cleared his throat. Then he looked down in front of him to see the open casket of his girlfriend lying there dead. Sure, she looked peacful, but the torment she went through everyday leading up to her death was not.
He chocked holding back the tears already.
"First of all Alice, I wanted to say that I love you. And when I was with you I felt so content. Like nothing could touch me. I felt and still feel so close to you. I never knew what I would have done if that was all just taken away from me. I guess now I know. I would sit in my bedroom screaming at the top of lungs praying to God that this was a lie. That this wasn't real. Then I would proceed to cry and hide under my covers never wanting to come out again or see the light of day. And at school everyone would tell me that they were sorry for my loss. Like you were some toy I left at the beach. I was angry. I still am, but not at you. I'm angry that I couldn't save you. I'm angry that I couldn't convince you to stay with the people you loved. Before I actually got to know you I thought you were that crazy girl. And everyone would talk shit about you to me. But you are seriously one of the nicest people I know. Every time someone talks bad about you now I just want to shake them and be like 'No, you ignorant fuck, you are wrong.' They were all wrong. You have made me laugh and smile like no other girlfriend or anybody for that matter. You cheered me up and calmed me down better than you would think. You made me happy to wake up and go to school to see you. You are the best person I will ever meet in my life. You are so pure and beautiful. I am lucky to have loved you and to still love you for forever and always. You are my most treasured memory and will live on forever in my mind. I love you Alice. A lot."
He looked up from my speech to see everyone on their feet clapping. Everyone at this ceremony was crying. And then he felt the tears start to softly fall onto his cheeks as he walked over to Alice's casket to say goodbye. He leaned down and kissed her cold lips one last time. That would be a feeling he would never forget.
~Flashback~
She laughed as he pulled into her driveway. It was the first time he had driven his own car with his liscene. Alice smiled and waved at him. Andrew knew she was happy to see him. It had been awhile since she was gone for a rugby tournament. She was the captain of her team.
He got out of his car and grabbed her in a huge bear like hug. Andrew could never get enough hugs from Alice. Then Andrew kissed her and pulled away to see her grinning from ear to ear. He gave her Eskimo kisses, and then they walked hand in hand up to her front door. She lead him downstairs after he had said hello to her mother and sister.
"Babbbe. I missed you." She climbed on top of him facing him.
"And you think I didn't miss you?" He pulled her in for a kiss.
He started to lay down on top of her as she caught her breath from the current make out session. He pressed his lips again into hers.
Alice moaned into his mouth and that only made Andrew more turned on.
He sat up and reached down to unbutton her pants. He wasn't ready for what he say.
"Andrew?" She sat up quizzically. "What is it love?"
"You started cutting again..." He whimpered. "Alice, I can't do this. I can't make out right now. I'm done."
He turned away after he helped her put her pants back on.
"Babe, it is only a little bit. I was just really sad. I needed to for my sanity." Alice tried to kiss and snuggle Andrew but he pulled away. "I love you..." She cried.
"I love you too. But I don't love what you are doing to your body," he hesitated "why didn't you call me Alice?!?" He wiped the tears from his eyes.
"I didn't want to be a burden." Alice scooted in closer to Andrew as he wrapped his arm around her.
He sighed, "You could never be a burden to me. Ever. I promise." He kissed her forehead and pulled her closer into his body.
~Flashback Ends~

He watched as they lowered her coffin into the ground.
His mother took his hand and thus both went up together to throw a handful of dirt on the casket.
"I love you. Goodbye."
Then he crumpled into his mother as she held him.
He just cried.