Breathless

Darling, Wake Up

I lay silently, unsure as to whether I was dead or alive. I could faintly hear the beep of hospital equipment in my light slumber, grounding me to the real world, reassuring me that I was still alive, still breathing. Every so often someone, or sometimes a group of people, would come and take care of me, check up on me, or talk to me as if I could talk back. I faintly heard the voices through the black water that was inside my head, drowning me inside my own mind. I ached to reach out to those who came to see me, but I could feel that my body was no longer under my control, and despite the innumerable amount of times I've tried to take it back into my command, I could never tame it. I wanted to scream but I had no voice, I wanted to cry but I had no eyes to cry from, I wanted to live, but I had no body.

Where was Brian? Was he here with me now? Did he even survive the crash? I thought of him, laying there on broken glass, his life slowly leaving his body. Was that what was happening to me right now? Was I laying here, just fading away? I wanted to cry again, but I couldn't, and so I floated in this silent abyss, letting the pain wash over me, reminding me that I'm alive.

*Brians POV*

I watched her motionless body, the only signs she was alive the gentle rise and fall of her chest and the faint beeping of the heart monitor. I struggled to take in a breath, barely able to force myself to look at her. She seemed so helpless, so weak, so unlike the girl I fell in love with. I choked out a sob, guilt washing over me like a rising tide.

"Oh Addie," I hiccupped, brushing away the tears that danced around the edges of my eyes, "How could I let this happen to you?"

I felt a deep, agonizing pain buried inside my chest, stealing my breath and thought from me, leaving my body shaking and my soul torn into pieces. I pushed my hand through my hair, finally letting go of the breath I hadn't realized I had been holding go in a shuttering sigh. I felt guilty, depressed, and more than anything, I felt hopeless.

"How you holding up?" I heard Sal ask, edging in through the door so quietly I could make myself believe he wasn't even there, only to realize he was as he rested his hand on my shoulder.

"Not too good," I admitted, choking back a sob. I couldn't stop replaying the moment over and over in my head. I remembered waking up to see her, slumped over and bloody, broken and bruised. Her face was covered in gashes from where the glass cut her, now covered in white bandages stained with red.

Joe and Murr shuffled into the room, standing beside Sal and looking down at me, looking sullen and defeated. "Come on, bud," Joe sighed, tugging me up by my shoulder, "Visiting hours are over."

I nodded and pulled away from Joe, promising them I would be out in a minute. I stepped toward the bed, leaning over and planting a kiss on Addie's forehead, careful not to brush against the cuts. "I'll be back tomorrow," I promised her, pulling away to glance at her face one last time before leaving. "I love you," I breathed, forcing myself out of the doorway and down the hall, putting more and more distance between me and her.

*Addie's POV*

I listened as the voices spoke softly to each other, sounding pained and sorrowful. It pained me to listen to them, knowing I was the source of their pain. I felt guilty, but what for? I knew I didn't cause the accident, and I knew it wasn't my fault that I slipped away from them. I desperately wanted to reach out for them, to try and ease their pain, but my limbs are numb and my mind felt disconnected from my body.

I wanted to sob as the voices grew quiet and left, aching for their distant but loving company. 'Come back!' I begged, only to be answered by silence. They were gone, and I was alone, floating in the void of my own consciousness.

*Brian's POV*

Three weeks went by since the accident that left Addie unresponsive in a hospital bed, and the days crawled by slower than I thought possible. There was a deep, constant aching in my chest that refused to leave, plaguing me like the thoughts that kept me up at night. Thoughts of guilt and sorrow, of desperation and loss, leaving me sobbing into my sheets and speaking to an absent presence that felt so real to me.

Filming for the show had started up again, but I had no desire to joke with the guys. I knew they were making an attempt to help me forget about the accident, but it was the only thing on my mind, and I couldn't lie and say it wasn't. I faked happiness as long as we were shooting, but it was painful and hollow, and the jokes meant nothing to me. We finished shooting for the day, and the guys were laughing and sharing stories with each other. I listened, but didn't speak much, hoping that if I seemed like I was at least partially paying attention, they would leave me alone.

"Brian," I barely heard Joe say, "We're not going to make you stay if you don't want to. Go be with her," He said, and it was clear that the other guys were thinking the same thing.

"Thanks," I mumbled, getting up to leave the bar when a group of shouting fans ran up, phones in hands with bright, enthusiastic smiles.

'Not now, please don't make me do this now...' I thought reluctantly, forcing a smile as they ran over to me and asked for pictures. I was hesitant, wondering if I could even keep a smile plastered on my face long enough to take photos. But after they were done taking pictures, it warmed my heart a little to see the gratitude in their eyes as they walked away. I was happy that I had done that, knowing I had made someone's day.

I left the bar and made my way to the hospital, signing in and taking the elevator up to the seventh floor, getting out and walking down the hall to Addie's room. I wanted to knock, knowing it would make me feel normal, but I knew just as well that I would feel stupid doing it, so I decided against it and just walked in.

"Didn't you ever learn to knock?"

(A/N: Sorry about the long wait guys, some stuff came up and I couldn't update last night. I'm also super sorry that it's so short, but I'm working on the next part now, and hopefully I'll be able to update that either tonight or tomorrow. And yay you get to see Brian's POV!)