Fly Away

Day one

Hi,

My name is Bree Jackson. I'm a 16 year old Junior in High school and this is my first diary in a long time. Well I my as well write to my future self. Okay so at the time I have long black wavy hair and mom and dad didn't get any better as they say they will. 

Mom, she started to do meth like every hour...and its sucks considering the fact she ain't doing any favors for her health, I see her as Death now because shes like a walking vegetable. She and I have a really bad relationship lately, when shes on meth...she brakes glasses and plates whenever she and I are in the Kitchen together. She blames me 24/7 for her mistakes. Clearly that's no better for me. Cause when I get blamed I get beaten by dad. Which reminds me.

Dad, He beats me to the point of where I faint or become numb from the pain. He'll lock me in my room and punch me senseless... Since we haven't moved out of our two story house yet, i tend to go up to the roof and won't come down hours on end. Yep, its come to that.

All of this really doesn't have a happy ending. I've ran away a couple times due to all that. I actually made a large hole in the wall filled with a tote bag full of supplies I would usually carry around if I run away. Also all of this is hidden behind a poster of Amy Lee. I honestly adore her and In this moment. I usually brake in to get to see them, so far I haven't gotten caught yet.

Anyways, Its pretty easy to climb down from my window to the ground. See the house came with a fence connected to super strong vines directly down my window, or roof i should say. If you shimmy down it your sure not to be caught. Though I haven't ran away or done that recently. I lock myself in my room til 2-4 am and then I'll go down stairs and grab food and drinks. 

Mom sleeps on the coach now, has been for a month now cause dad abuses her if shes not in bed by 10. Really its pretty fucking stupid. You can see why nobody wants to be near him or talk to him. I'm still surprised that mom hasn't divorced his ass yet, but then again he's the one who buys 80 dollars worth of four bags of meth each week...

I really have that deep fucking hate for my dad that nobody understands. Same with my mom though to. Honestly...I wouldn't be surprised if a drug dealer came into our house and shot mom and dad in the face and quite frankly, I wouldn't give a flying fuck if they died. Now I know how bad that might sound but its true. If moms most prized possession is her meth and dads most prized possession was his police club, there is no reason for me to love and care for them if they don't pay any attention to me. 

If there was a deep deep thought in they're mind to love me more than anything else and wouldn't beat me or blame me for shit I never do then sure I wouldn't be cutting myself twice a day, running away and such then I'd probably love 'em. But since they don't, there is no chance of me winning they're sad shit hearts. No chance of fighting for life to death.

Nothing much here I can do but blame myself for everything. For instance, the other night I was eating some mac and cheese I made myself for dinner, and mom of coarse was on meth at the time and she came in on me eating in the kitchen table. She knocked my mac and cheese on the floor and took my spoon, and simply threw it into the glass on the cabinet. She flipped my table over, smashed an empty bottle of beer on my head.

I forgot to mention that my mom can be pretty abusive too. She learns all that from my dad. No surprise right? That is always my second reason why I cut myself. That or I pretend to lock myself in my room when in reality I climb down on the vines and roam the city of California. I actually know more and more people everyday on the streets. Like they seen me so much that now they know everything about me. I don't care to trust them but they should know the real reason why I walk around often.

The most common place I'll actually go to is the ocean and the Hollywood sign. Looking at Cali at such a huge view reminds me of how much we changed and how someday I'll be out of the hell they call home. One of the reasons why I'm still alive to this day is because Cali is my paradise. I never want to leave my paradise. The only thing I need to do to make my life complete, is to get my family arrested and to change my name maybe to Addison or some shit. A name that my family wouldn't know who I was.

I just want to complete my paradise...

~Bree 

"Am I good enough for your to love me to?"

Quote:  Amy Lee