Full Tilt

It's All a Blur of Love and Sin ~ 8.23.15

Breathe in, breathe out. Take it all one step at a time and remember that all things will come to end eventually; the good, and most importantly, the bad.

I'm losing track of time. The past month has been a godsend with my new job, but already things are getting complicated. I'm going out now with my boss... a man a good 7 years older than me. We've been out a few times and we're hitting it off really well. But of course, the specific limitations of his being my superior and the possible "firing" of us both for being together makes this all seem not worth it. I want to believe it is worth it, but I'm already getting scared shitless of the inevitable. How long can we keep things up like this? Will we be able to keep it all a secret and stay this happy, or will one of us eventually say the wrong thing at the wrong time and fuck it all up? I'm not sure, and the uncertainty gives me a pit in my stomach.

It's not just that either...

As of late my other boss, in fact the one who hired me, has been showing interest in me in a not-so-professional way. I'm worried that I'm going to have to deny him in order to keep this all as complication-free as I can. The problem with this is that I really really value the friendship I've cultivated with him... if he does in fact try to push things further and I deny him, I'm risking a friendship I adore.

On a brighter note.

I'm seeing Panic! at the Disco in October when they come to Colorado, and my two best friends might be joining me for the ride. One of which has a birthday not but a few days after the concert.. I really want to be able to celebrate it with her, considering she lives in North Carolina.

I'm also getting a tattoo! Big step for me, I'm getting angel wings with a protection symbol in between on my back. I can't wait to get it.. the anticipation for it is practically making me wish for each day to come faster, something that I normally would be aggressively against.

I can't decide if I'm for sure comfortable with everything that's happening, but I do know that I can't get enough of Josh. When I'm not with him I get anxious to see him again, and when I am with him I feel completely at home. I feel safe with him, which is something I've never felt with anyone before. I just wish this all goes well.

"And if a double decker bus crashes into us, to die by your side is such a heavenly way to die..."