Life is a bitch, enough said. In Full Tilt you'll explore and delve into some of my past experiences, daily logs, and self-help tips for keeping a good attitude towards your days. From random adventures, schemes, and the deepest of heartaches, you...
"Love forever love is free Let's turn forever you and me Windmill, windmill for the land Is everybody in?"
It's been a while, hasn't it, my old friend? A lot has changed for me since we last spoke. I'm not the same as I once was. I've learned so much since, god, it's nearly been a year?
I'm nineteen now... in that awkward phase in between childhood and adulthood. I'm old enough to smoke, but not old enough to drink. I'm old enough to think for myself, but not old enough for the world to believe I can. That hasn't stopped me from starting my life, however. The last time we spoke I had just lost my baby, Anberlin. After that happened, I had spent several weeks with my polydipsia practically begging me to end it. I let those thoughts of, "No one ever stays with me" and "Even my own kid left me" get to my head. I'd stay up all night, just staring at my ceiling, wishing that it'd fall on top of me the second I closed my eyes. One night, at 4 am, it had hit me. I almost just had a baby. I was going to be a mother, and yet I couldn't even get my own head on straight? I was working a dead end job, with a dead end boyfriend, and a dead end ceiling. I didn't want that, I couldn't have a kid in that situation!
So I made a decision.
I was going to join the Air Force.
And that's exactly what I did.
I moved to Plano, TX to DEP out of the recruiting station that my mom did twenty years ago. I got a job there at an italian restaurant in a shitty strip mall. It was at the restaurant I met two of the greatest people I've ever known: Sebastian and Damian.
Sebastian was one of the other servers there and we had worked together a couple times before I eventually decided to talk to him. He was such a fucking retard. He had a jewfro and would walk around shamelessly self promoting his band, Vegan Shark. The night we started talking we exchanged information and both got a ride home from another server named Carson. He turned "Governator" by Green Day on, stuck half of his body out the window, and started screaming the whole way home. I had fallen in love with him. We started talking and one day I offered to fuck him. Thirty minutes later we were at the park, sitting underneath a bridge, and watching a squirrel. We didn't fuck, but we made out and that was enough for me that day. Push came to shove and before I knew it we were going out on Valentine's Day to see Deadpool, and fucking in the unisex bathroom of the theatre.
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Things sort of took off from there.
Damian was Sebastian's best friend, and he was about as crazy as they come.
The first time I met Damian he ordered a pizza from me and stared at me the entire time. It felt like he was purposefully trying to creep the hell out of me, he had succeeded and I asked Seb about it. Seb told me Damian did that to everyone.
