"Dai, me don't want to go to skool. Me wanna chill witchu. Me go to school tomorrow Dai..." Sir'Juan called himself compromising with me. He looked good, as usual for his first day of preschool. God knows my son who was now getting ready to turn four on his birthday had me wrapped around his finger. That's my baby, my son, my mini me.
"Sir, you're going to school, you hear me? And what I tell you about talking baby talk? I don't want to go to school. I wanna chill with you. Right?" I nodded and he did too getting happy thinking I was telling him he could stay at home...
"Nah, boy you getting up out of here today." He scrunched his little brown face up at me giving me those eyes. He almost had me too but, I wasn't falling for it. At least not today. We walked out to my car to drive him to preschool.
Oh yeah... I never did tell y'all what happened that day when I went to the door...
I grabbed my food and beverage and bounced out the door. I opened the front door and smiled at the sunny morning. I started to walk out the door looking straight ahead, when I targeted my eyes on the big ass hole in my windshield and what looked like two flat tires. The words,"HOE ASS NIGGA" was spray painted on the side of my 2004 Lexus.
Storming out the door, I Damn near broke my neck tripping over something in front of the door. Catching my balance, I started to kick the object off the porch. Pulling my leg back I started to kick when I heard a baby gurgle then start to cry.
I looked down.....
"This nutty ass bitch...." I yelled outloud...
"Boy, you better stop all that damn cussing I done told yo..." Hearing me cussing up a storm, my mother flew down the stairs ready to slap fire from my lips when the sight on the front porch stopped her dead in her tracks...
In his car seat lay my thirteen day old son. His bags were there with him also. My mama rushed to pick the baby up out the car seat. I slowly turned to liquid fire, lava, molten muthafuckin rock!!!
“Ohhhhhhhh Siri, his little face is cold as hell! His fingers, Lord have mercy! That stupid ass girl! Why the fuck would she just leave him out there like that? Siri. She could've rang the door bell, knocked on the door! Poor baby!" She took his clothes off feeling and checking his little body. Despite being a little cold and having a full diaper with shit going all up his back, he was ok. I, on the other hand wanted to murder that bitch!
“Siri, go get me his diapers and bodywash so I can get him cleaned up. I kept my own shit over here for my son but I figured getting the stuff off the porch might be quicker. I went to retrieve the shitty car seat and other bags bringing them inside. I handed my mother a clean onesie and the Johnson & Johnson's lavender baby wash out the bag, along with his baby towel, t-shirt and socks. Mama said his little butt was red so I also handed her some Desitin...
I went through his diaper bag and found a hand written note from Sasha.
Sir'Tan,
I tried to tell you I didn't want to be a mama no more. I can't take all this bullshit. Changing diapers, all that crying, my titties feel like they filled with hot rocks, my nipples raw and bleeding, look,I wasn't built for all this. I thought mother hood was gone be different. I don't never sleep and when I do fall asleep that baby waking me up to change his diaper or to feed him. I don't know but, he probably do better with you cause this morning, I found myself bout to slap him. I'm just keeping it real. So, you take him cause I ain't no mother, just like my mama wasn't. I'm going to Vegas with my cousin Shericka.....
I reread that note like fifty times till my mama came and took it out my clenched fist. An intense hatred was born for Sasha at that moment. I wouldn't give a fuck if that bitch was burning in a house fire, fucking around with me, her hoe ass would be a Kentucky fried crispy bitch.
I didn't even try to find her after that. I just knew she better not come back. When her mama Jackie called asking for the baby, I cussed her dope fiend, boot mouth ass out and banned the whole family except for her little sister Shay and since she lived with her daddy in Wichita, I didn't have to worry about her too much.
I watched my son in the rear view mirror as he sat in his booster seat in the back looking out the window looking like he had some tough shit on his mind. He's three... I shook my head in wonder. Would this little boy every cease to amaze me?
I wondered what happened between yesterday and this morning. All the boy been talking about since my mom, him and I went to the open house orientation and met his teachers was, "Ms Tamiko", "Ms Robin" this and that. Now this... I kept telling myself he'd be alright...
We pulled up to Sanford B. Ladd Elementary and parked. I got out the car and went to open the door for him to get out. Usually, he'd unbuckle his seat belt himself ready to get out full of energy. Not today. This little dude was really mad. Moving slower than a sixty year old man after a full days work.
"Come on Sir." I said through slit eyes. Don't even trip, his eyes were slit too with attitude. He was so mad he didn't even want to hold my hand when I held it out. I shook my head stifling a laugh. I walked on ahead watching him mosey along behind me a few steps. The closer we got to the front door of the school, the closer he got to me. By the time we entered the school and walked to the classroom door, I found a little man hand clutching my own tighter than a vise grip.
Glancing down at him noting the twinkle of tears in his eyes threatening to fall down cheeks identical to my own. My heart trembled at the love I felt... I pulled him to the side bending down to his level.
"What's up Fatmack? I thought you wanted to come to school..." I watched my three year old son battle with his emotions... He held his head down. Aww nah! Not not my little guy. I took my forefinger raising his eyes to meet mine. A tear escaped down his cheek.
"Dai, me don't wan...." He paused at my raised eyebrows from his baby talk. He took his little fist wiping away the moisture.
"Dai, I no want to come here. I wanna go whitchuuuu. I be good. I don't like Ms Miko. Pweeeese D,D,Dai." He threw his little arms around my neck letting the flood gates go. Yeah, my son got me, if didn't nobody else have me, he had me. Shit! I almost said, "Fuck this school" took my kid and bounced. But, I couldn't act like that. The transition from boy to man means recognizing responsibility in life lessons.
I coulda took him and left maybe tried it again tomorrow but then he woulda been thinking all he gotta do is cry and I'll give him what he wants. THAT ain't teaching him the right way. Nah, as little as he is, he gotta learn to face life. I'm raising a man and a man is what he's going to be. I hugged him.
"I thought you was a big boy, man." He shook his head no.
"I'm three Dai. I'm still a baby," he said crying louder. This little dude too smart. My mama said he been here before. I had to stifle my laughter.
"Sir'Juan, quit crying. Wipe you're face man. We gone go in here together and I'ma sit in there with you. Okay?" He looked up at me, eyes big.
"You pwomise you not leave me?" I nodded my head yes.
“But you gotta say 'I'ma big boy, first'." He looked around like be didn't want to say it.
“SIR'JUAN"
"I a big boy"
"You a WHAT? You said that like a sucka." I said that cause he didn't like to be called that word. Pop always called him that before he'd let Sir jump on him and beat him up.
"Me not no sucka!!" Those tears dried up fast
“Huh?"
"I NOT NO SUCKA!!! I A BIG BOY!!!" His chest puffed out. I smiled at my boy...
"Alright then. Let's go to school..." We bumped fists and walked in the class together. Ms Tamiko watched the entire scene. I smiled at her as my son and I pimped in the room looking like the major factors we were.
I ended up staying for forty minutes until he didn't need me no more. I stayed in the hall for another forty minutes making sure he was alright. Trust, this proud papa will NEVER leave his son on his own in this world...
