Pure Darkness With a Spark (Twilight Fanfic)

Chapter 4

(A/N: I know you guys might hate me for not posting in literally forever but here I am again so please tell me what you think! I always look forward to what you guys have to say!!)

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Wake. Eat. School. Sleep. Wake. Eat. School. Sleep. This is the continuous cycle that I repeat to myself as I try to do my daily routines. I've been going to school regularly again. My absents has been faked with a doctor's note saying that I have been sick in the hospital. With a small town there are normally no secrets but I guess even the nurses and doctors didn't want this little news about my freak incidence to spill.

With the week of school I've missed I was kind of behind on my work, but with nothing to do I've been getting perfect grades ever since.

Jake visits regularly, or I go to him. There is just something about him that has me gravitate towards him. It could be his deep warm chocolate colored eyes or his long sleek hair that's always so neatly wrapped up in a rubber band. Most of the time I don't question it; I just choose to believe that I've been given another chance at life. He is my anchor keeping me here instead of having me float meaninglessly out to sea.

There are still days were I miss him so greatly that I can't even find the strength to get out of bed. These are the days where I think Charlie is reminded that I'm still not completely whole again and never will be.

I've been told that I'm not a great actress, but there are days were I can even trick myself into thinking that I'm fine; but there always an ache in my chest varying on intensity day to day. It has been getting better though...I've just found things to distract myself. Like I discovered that I can complete one of those rubric cubes in less than 5 minutes and that baking soda gets rid of mildew stains in the shower.

The past couple days have been getting better though.

It's been 4 and a half weeks since he left....

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"Bells, Bella wake up."

My eyes flutter open to a worried looking Jake. "Oh sorry I must have fallen asleep." I forgot that Jake was coming over this evening. It's been a long day at school, a trig and history test and let's not forget the lovely death stares that Jessica has been giving me on a daily basis since I've returned to school.

"You sure you're okay, you seemed really knocked out." Jake said with concern.

"Yeah I'm fine, just a long day." And I wasn't lying, and least the second part wasn't a lie.

"Are you sure, I could go home we can always hang out tomorrow."

"No!" I nearly shouted startling us both, "I mean its fine I'm not tired anymore." Truth is I can't handle being alone. It's pathetic I know, I just hope I didn't scare Jake away.

"Okay," Jake brushes it off "seems you're not up to much wanna watch a movie?"

"Sounds Great!" I say with probably a little too much enthusiasm. That's when I realize it, "Hey Jake how'd you get in?" considering the fact that we are both inside my room right now with Charlie at work and the door which I presumed to be locked.

Jake looks around nervously scratching the back of his neck "Oh well, when you didn't answer I got nerves thinking that you were hurt or..." He doesn't say what we both dread: the idea of me going crazy again. Poor Jake has seen it firsthand.

"Oh, well the movies are down stairs, let's go." I say trying to defuse the awkward tension in the air.

Jake perks right back up into the joyful attitude that he always seems to have, and leads the way. Once down there I let him pick the movie while I get settled on the couch.

He pops one into the DVD player and we await the opening credits.

My body registers the situation before my mind has time to even figure out what's happening. Every muscle is my body tenses up. My eyes locked on the screen unable to look away, even though that's what my mind is desperately trying to do.

Every memory of our life before my 18th birthday comes flooding back to the very forefront of my head screaming to be acknowledged. The day that I thought would be unbearable to live though; he made it better, he made it worth it.

That afternoon before the party we watched it. Romeo and Juliet. That's the very love tale that is now taking flight right before me.

The very story that he whispered every line that Romeo said to me; tenderly and lovingly as if it were just me and him alone in the entire universe while he expressed his love to me physically. The night that he said he would never live without me. The night that he showed me the delicate art of making love through elegant and tenacious movement that give me goose bumps of desire just thinking about.

Lies. Lies! I scream to myself. How could he have lied to me like this the whole time! I knew that it never made sense for him to love me but I guess I had that small glimmer of hope that he did; but then again that was just the beginning of that night. After everything that we did at my house prior to the party seemed nonexistence afterward...

Unable to finish my thoughts I curl inwardly into the couch trying to keep it together.

Breath. Breath. I tell myself over and over again, but I can still hear the movie going on around me.

"Turn it off. Turn it off. Turn it off!" I screamed hoping that if I let a little out then I would calm down, and I did, for a while. Deep breath. Deep breath. In, out. In, out. Once the noise was gone I calm done to a more reasonable level. That's when I remembered that I had an audience. Jake!

I whipped my head up to look at him to my right. He looked shocked more than anything really.

"Everything is fine Bella, look the movies off." He said calmingly. Just to check I looked over at the TV and sure enough it was just an empty black box waiting to play the games later to night that I'm sure Charlie will watch.

"I know, thanks Jake I don't know that got over me." I said weakly and embarrassed. 

"I'm fine, are you though?" He asked hesitantly trying to not have another wave of trauma hit me.

"Yeah..." I kind of trailed off. I just wanted to sit and do nothing the rest of my life, well at least tonight anyways. Just sit next to my window with the cold air half freezing me to death as we near the winter season, doing absolutely nothing I wanted to suffer alone, nothing anyone should see.

Jake sensed my frozen state and suggested that I go back to bed. I answered numbly agreeing with him and I couldn't find my muscles to tell them to move. I just sat staring at a fixed point on the wall.

I felt Jake lift me off the couch and carry me up the stairs to my room. I wanted to protest saying I wasn't a child, but I could find my voice.

Once up stairs lying in my bed still awake for who knows how long just staring at my ceiling. I start hearing voices from down stairs, both vaguely familiar. I just pushed it off trying to find my unconsciousness.

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(A/N: I truly hope that you guys like this chapter considering how long you've been waiting. It's kind of short but I wanted to give you guys something!!

As always VOTE, COMMENT, and FAN!!:)