Over The Edge

the first letter

Hi, whoever's reading this. If it's my future me, if it's Mum, Dad, Liam, Harry or Niall, hi.

But Dad wouldn't care either way. Whatever.

I can't even write his name up there anymore.

I can't call him and tell him good morning and hear his morning voice, or just call him up for the heck of it and hear his sleepy voice demanding to know what the hell I was thinking, waking him up at 2AM.

Why? Because he's dead. He's gone. He can't be here with me physically. And it's not fair. I love him. I love him so much I don't even know what to do anymore with my life. I wanted to marry him, even if it's illegal, or if we get weird stares, or whatever.

I love him so so so much. I love Zayn Malik.

I love his eyes, his lips, his nose, his ears, his hair, his hands, his fingers, his legs, his feet, his everything.

And it was my fault that he died. I'm the one who told him to call the cops about his dad. And his dad overheard him and beat him up.

Where was I when that happened? At home having a nice dinner cooked by my lovely mum.

What did I get when they gave me the news? A pat on the back and a "Sorry about your loss".

I don't even know how to live with myself anymore, knowing that I killed him. Not anyone else, but me.

I don't want anything. I just need him to come back.

It's not fair.

Everyone else gets to have a happy life or find their other half and live it out with them.

I found my other half, but he didn't get to live a happy life or live long. I was just lucky to have a loving family. He didn't.

I'm going to sleep soon.

I'll get to see him soon.

Louis Tomlinson x

The paper was clearly marked with tear stains, and a large coffee mug stain in one corner. But those marks made it all the more real.

The three of them were situated in Louis' room.

Standing, Liam held the thin paper as though it was the world at its most fragile while Niall spun around on the desk chair, munching on chips.

And sitting on the bed with his hands running through his curly hair multiple times, Harry groaned in frustration. "I can't believe it!"

They'd been woken up early in the morning by a tearful Jay, who gave them the most unexpected news.

Louis had committed suicide.

Louis Tomlinson. The popular kid. The one who always made other people laugh. The one who had seemingly everything.

They'd found him near a cliff, she cried. Louis told me about that particular cliff before, Zayn brought him there.

She'd called the police after he hadn't come home. Jay said he had only wanted to go out for a walk to clear his head.

Their first place to check was the Library.

Mrs Rosenwood said he had stayed for a bit before leaving.

They had asked them too, Louis' best mates. Liam, Niall, Harry.

But the three of them hadn't seen him since two days ago, because Louis often just spent time in the Library by himself these days.

"How could he?" Harry shouted in a fit of anger, "Zayn would have wanted him to keep living, wouldn't he? Why'd he have to go and kill himself without telling anyone? He's my best mate, I'm supposed to help him, dammit!"

"If you were in the same position as Louis, would you have told your best mate, knowing he'd try to stop you from doing something you felt like you needed to?" Liam asked as calmly as he could. The news had shocked him to the core. He knew about suicide, of course he did. But he'd never known anyone who had committed, or expected anyone to.

It had pulled him back into the real world. Not everything was picture perfect, some had darker thoughts lingering in their mind.

He peeked into Louis' desk drawer once more. There were still some more letters. He couldn't really make out how many there were left.

Thinking back to what Louis had said. I'm going to sleep soon. He hadn't meant sleeping, sleeping, did he? He meant sleeping, dead.

Or maybe Liam was thinking way too much into this.

_________

A/N: Sorry guys, I've been busy with school, assignments and things. This is a little rushed, I'm sorry. Right now I'm just hoping I passed all my subjects, though it's okay if I fail PE. *-*