Do Not Enter

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Amanda's P.O.V.

I'm sitting staring at the ceiling, enveloped in my turquoise blankets, willing my soon-to-be permanent sleep to pleasure me with its presence. The clock reads 11:48. 1 hour and 12 minutes to go. My body feels like lead. The movement of a single limb drains my energy faster than a professional pick-pocket can steal a watch. I don't even know what people are supposed to do.. Letters. I remember letters are a huge thing. Okay...

Mom,

If you're reading this, I'm sorry. This world became too much for your little ballerina. Please know I'm in a better place now. Don't spend the rest of your life depressed and wondering what you did wrong, because there isn't a single thing you did wrong. I love you so much mommy. I'll look down on you and Claire, and make sure that you guys are safe. Good bye mom. -Your love bug

***

Claire,

Hi hunny bunny. I'm gonna be going on a little vacation, so I'm gonna need you to take care of mom, okay? Make sure she gets to work on time and everything. You're going to be going into 7th grade, and guys are going to want to date the crap out of you. Not literally because -- gross. ANYWAYS don't date them. Wait for you Mr. Right. You'll know when it's him, so don't waste your time and energy on these little kids. Never doubt yourself Claire. You're beautiful and smart and talented and loyal and you can conquer the world. Don't aim for the stars because you can go so much further. I love you so much small fry. I'll be waiting in the stars for you Claire. -The best big sister ever :)

***

Adam,

Don't spend the rest of your life crying, and isolated, okay? You're such an amazing person Adam Tyler. You have your entire future so don't get caught up in me. I'm not worth your tears. Adam you are without a doubt the love of my life. Find someone new.. Now I'm not saying soon because grieving is something you're going to have to do now.. God I'm so so so sorry.. I'm sorry you couldn't save me from this one.. I love you Adam Tyler Moore. Forever and always, right? -Your better half ;)

***

Lucy & Kara,

Hey babes. I'm gonna be legit with you, okay? I stopped taking my meds a few days ago; it turned me into a person I didn't like being. Obviously things got worse or else why would you be reading this? Anyways, don't be all sad, that's so cliché. Do something that nobody would have EVER expected you to do after.. well.. you know. No matter what , we'll always be the "Trio of Doom" :) cherish each moment you have because you'll never know when your last day is. Make sure everyone stays sane, okay? Eats at least 2 meals a day. Sleeps at least 4 hours a night. That kind of thing. Same goes for you guys. Don't turn into the Living Dead or anything like that. I love you guys so much. Thanks for always holding me up when I felt like I couldn't go on any further. I appreciate you guys more than you'll ever know. Love you boo bears. -The leader of our cool gang :)

***

Xavier,

Hey. I'm sorry for the hell I must be putting you guys through right now. I didn't want to bring you guys pain and grief and all that, I just didn't want to deal with life anymore. Like it just got too hard. Getting out of bed in the morning was physically exhausting, it felt like I was always running on empty and the nearest gas station was still 50 miles away. I tried so hard to make it to that fricken gas station. I just couldn't do it. Have you ever had that dream where you're trying to reach this door and the faster you ran the further away the door got from you? That was my life the past few weeks. It felt like the more I tried to be okay the harder it got for me. I'm sorry I couldn't do it anymore. Try to keep the gang together, okay? Thanks X-man :) I owe you one. - The peanut to your butter :)