When He fell in Love // J I M I N

Chapter: Nineteen

Dear Areum,

I was sitting on the bench when you showed up. I couldn't think of anything but your eyes- so visually beautiful, yet it holds thousands of chained pain.

'Is prostitution always the answer?' I asked you that and as those words came out of my mouth, I almost regretted saying it. You looked so bothered, You looked so hurt.

I wanted to tell you that you deserve all of the happiness in the world. I have wanted to tell you that since day one.

But for some reasons, I became another pain for you. A strong one.

After the masked man killed my sister, I was torn between anger and relief. I'm angry because he killed my sister, but I'm also relieved because she's been suffering too much and I know that she needs rest.

But my emotions got so mixed and messed up, that I took all of my rage on you. I didn't told you that your family was dead before the man bribed you into killing my sister. Instead, with my lividity on hand, I made you suffer.

I'm so fucked up, darling.

With every whip of the lash, Little did you know that I was crying inside more and more everytime i hit you. My emotions were as stirred as It did with my sister. But this time, I'm torn between rage,

and love.

I tried to hate you in a way that I wouldn't be affected if you are hurt- but I just couldn't help it- I loved how your eyes pierce mine when you danced in front of me, I loved it how you're brave as a lion, how you smiled, how you cried.

Perhaps, I loved every single thing about you and that's what I hate.

I wanted to tell you that it's not your fault since the beginning.

I wanted to tell you that when you danced in front me with your lingerie on in that room, I insulted you but I didn't mean it, I'm just telling you that because I wanted you to quit your job for I can't bare seeing you dance like that in front of other boys.

I wanted to tell you that you don't deserve the pain you're currently in.

I wanted to tell you that You are beautiful.

I wanted to tell you that I love you.

And I almost did. But I got cutted off by the poison I took.

My heart aches by the sight of you, drinking the poison by my orders. It aches so much that I hated myself more than anything so I drank the whole bottle. I deserve it.

As I was slowly dying, I saw you screaming my name over and over again. I didn't know why you are doing that, despite of all these things I did to you.

You screamed until you can't scream anymore and I felt your body falling on top of mine. Are you dying too?

And In my last second of everything, I would ask for your forgiveness.

And I would say that I won't get used to falling inlove with you over and over again, Jung Areum.