Not Happening

Chapter 14

Being at home, for Zayn, is like being able to breathe again. Even if the ride home hadn't been exactly pleasant. Four hours alone in a car with Doniya and her shitty music and her texting so much that Zayn confiscates her phone because that's illegal and dangerous isn't ideal for anyone. But as soon as he's home, his mother hugs him and it makes up for the rest of it.

He also gets to sleep. No matter how comfortable he gets in his dorm room, it's just not the same as being in his bed. Having an entire room to himself. No Liam snoring beside him. Blissfully, happily, wonderfully, completely alone. He can't imagine anything better.

That's what he tells himself, at least, but that first night, even though he doesn't get home until about one in the morning, he lies awake for what feels like hours, the silence in the room unbearable.

"How did your exams go?" his mother asks at breakfast.

Zayn yawns and sips his coffee, infinitely better than the stuff they serve at the coffee shop on campus. "Better than I thought. Still stressed over them, but I think I did alright."

"Of course you did," she says, with the kind of proud, sincere conviction that only a mother can manage. "And how are your friends? The two you told me about."

"Crazy," Zayn says, smiling into his coffee. "But good. Maybe they'll come visit this summer."

"I'd love that." Probably because Zayn's never really brought anyone home, ever. Except Max, once or twice, but they always snuck in, and he never wanted to meet Zayn's family, no matter how many times Zayn begged him. Which, looking back on it, isn't all that surprising.

Just as he always does, Zayn refuses to allow that train of thought to go any farther. He cuts off the tracks, hits the breaks on it, and forgets that Max ever flitted across his mind.

"And what about your roommate?" his mother continues. "Are you two finally settling your differences?"

If settling their differences means fucking the hatred out of each other until Zayn accidentally started to develop feelings for Liam, feelings that he still doesn't want to dwell on because they make him sick to his stomach, then yeah. They settled their differences, all right. "Something like that," Zayn mutters.

"I'm glad to hear it," his mom says. "And I'm glad you're home."

"Me too," Zayn admits. "Really glad."

He and his mom are always the first up, but it isn't long before his sisters are trampling down the stairs, rubbing sleep from their bleary eyes. His father is already at work, but he'll be back later in the day. And the four of them spend the morning and afternoon first eating breakfast, then doing a bit of grocery shopping (Zayn offers to go, just to get out of the house and have something to do), and then Safaa drags him away to show him some of her work from class.

The night is spent in the kitchen, helping his mom cook, and then at the table, having a big family dinner the way they always do. Afterwards Zayn's dad invites him to watch sports, and Zayn asks him to explain football to him (which he does, but Zayn's still mostly lost).

When he gets to bed that night, he lies awake for hours, until eventually he pulls out one of his books. When he falls asleep, it's with the lights on and the book open on his chest.

~|~

On Christmas Eve Zayn calls Louis, like he promised. Louis is a little drunk, though, and he spends the entire six-minute conversation giggling with his sisters and telling Zayn how much he loves him, and how glad he is that they're friends, and how he didn't think he'd ever become such good friends with someone from school but he's happy that he did. Zayn spends the conversation mostly making noncommittal sounds and picking at his pinky nail.