Two days after that final questioning I was brought to a hotel room. A suite to be exact. Ajax told me on the way there it was nice but I never expect this. There was even my own personal maid at the ready and everything!
"Jean this is Cindy. Cindy, Jean." He introduced us with a smile and I shook her hand. She was a tall lady, unlike Ajax who was rather short. She had darker skin, maybe she was Israeli, but there's no way I was going to ask. Ajax continued calmly, "She's ready to start over."
"I don't understand what do you mean?"
"I am a personal stylist, we are going to make you over, give you a new look, new wardrobe, change your name." Cindy had a sweet voice with a small hint of an accent I couldn't quite pin.
"Ajax...you mean that when you said 'start over' the otherday, you really meant it?"
"Yes Jean, but starting over this way means that Jean Blue won't exist anymore. We will build a new past, a new family, a new you. Everything."
"It's a hard step dear, it won't be easy, but that's what we are here for." Yeah, Cindy is definitely Israeli. I could tell now.
Ajax spoke softly, "Are you sure you want to do this still."
"Yes. I have to."
"Witness Protection here we come!" Cindy lead me to a chair and for the first time I took a good look around the hotel room.
In one part there were clothes up the yin-yang and shoe racks with more shoes then any drama department or shoe store I've ever seen ever! Through the open door in the bathroom I could see that a full scale salon had been set up. On the coffee table in front of me I could see all sorts of books about things from 'Choosing the Right Hair for You', to 'How to Become Another Person: It's Not Just Looks'.
"Where do we start?" I asked. I had never felt like I had this many chooses ever before in my life!
"Where do you want to start?" They both asked in unison.
I thought a long while, where do I want to start..?
"Well. I have always wanted a better haircut."
Cindy smiled wide, she took my hand and lead me to a full body mirror on the back of a door. Ajax clicked on a radio somewhere in room and I knew the song instantly. I sang the words softly as Cindy told me to look at myself carefully.
"Look long and hard Jean Megan Blue. This is the last time you will look like this." She stepped out of the frame and I studied every feature of myself like the world would end if I didn't.
My grey eyes looked over every inch of my reflection. My blonde hair that fell to my waist, my slightly tanned skin. The birthmark on my right collarbone that's almost in the shape of the letter 'D'. I looked at my jeans and thought of the freckles on my knees. I looked up at the pink of my lips and the almost square shape of my chin. I became upset and trying to hide this wasn't easy. From across the room, Ajax had been watching me and saw something was wrong.
He walked over to me and put his hands on my shoulders. He sang along with the radio. "And your voice was all I heard, that I get what I deserve."
Cindy joined in and they sang louder then they needed to. "So give me a reason, to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean."
"Come on Jean! It's Linkin Park! You told me how much you love them!" Ajax saw me smile. "Come on, there it's is." He held out his hand. While we had been talking Cindy kept singing and I joined her.
"Give me a reason, to fill this hole, connect the space between."
The three of us sang together with way too much enthusiasm. "Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide." We laughed as the song played on and I knew I was ready.
"Okay," I sighed, "I know what I want."
Cindy smiled, "I'm listening."
I sat in a chair and described the way I've always wanted to look. Ajax and Cindy sat in adjacent chairs, both with note pads and pencils, sketching out what I said. I closed my eyes and thought about how I wanted to dress, how I wanted to act. I created a new version of myself. Someone who had never been scared before, someone who would never be scared of anything again.
Then Cindy got to work. She washed and cut my hair and while she dried it Ajax said what about coloring it. I didn't want to but Cindy said it would almost be necessary. So 30 minutes later I had a completely different look well, at least my hair did.
After make up tips, we went on to try new outfits. Top after top, bottom after bottom.
This shirt with that skirt, now with these shoes.
We were nowhere near done but Ajax told me to go look in the mirror.
