They tell you to be yourself. That no matter what happens, everyone will love you. You are always told that you are meant to do great things. And that the world will see you and you will shine. You learn that your family will always be there and that they will always love you no matter what. Even if you don't change the world, you can still make a difference to someone.
I'm here to tell you that this is all wrong. And I know. Because it has all happened to me before.
I grew up normal. A brother, two sisters, a mom and a dad. A normal family with a normal girl. Not hard off, but not the richest either. We always got by. We all loved each other as any family would. Then something changed.
We all grew up. No more were we daddy's little girls and a kiss and a Popsicle couldn't make the world better. We all moved in our own orbits, in the same solar system, but around different suns.
There was more yelling, more fighting, more slamming the door to each other.
One of us fell in love. I can't remember who was first. Wither it was dad and the waitress at the diner, or mom and her soap operas. If it was my brother and some cheerleader, or my older sister and that guy. It could have been my younger sister and that boy band poster, or it could have been when my older sister fell for that other guy, I can never remember which came first.
Somewhere in there is a trend. Any guesses? That's right. Me. I never fell in love. I wasn't one to swoon when the track team got back from a run. Or to stand outside a concert to get a glimpse at some sweaty musician who just preformed a three hour concert.
I fell in love with the small things that no one cared to notice. Like, how the plants would always grow back in the spring, even though they were just going to die again in a few months. Or how when are dog would eat he always put his left leg in front of his right. Or how my math teacher never wore long sleeve shirts, no matter how cold to was, so her arm wouldn't erase the board and her left hand moved across it.
These are the things I love. The small things that the world wouldn't realize if they didn't stop and stare into space long enough to notice that one thing has changed.
It's hard to try to explain how to love something to someone. They try to do it your way, but can't figure it out on their own. This is what I learned when I tried to tell my sister about why I didn't go on dates, or have posters on my wall, or hookup with my girlfriend in the back of my dad's pickup truck. She couldn't understand how that was what I loved. It was so different from anything she cared about, so how could it be right?
This was the first day I started to learn. Really, truly learn. Not just read out of a text book and answer questions one through five but really understand something. I learned that everyone will love you and that you will do great things. As long as you live in a box.
This box is set for you by society, and you know what? There are some people in this world that will do great thing inside that box. But for the rest of us, who can't fit in there with everyone else, it's like a long slow death that you watch from the outside.
You slowly fade away. It's small at first, too small to notice at all. It's something, like a friend drifting away, or losing touch with something you were great at. Then it gets bigger and clearer, everyone has plans that night, or there isn't enough room in the car for you to ride with them.
You family starts it too. You fade from the front lines, then from the second string. Finally you are all alone and watching the battle from a mile away.
The Chinese food from the night before is never as good reheated. And it really stinks watching reruns, because you keep missing new episodes of your favorite show.
You lose all hope in ever being clear again, because you are just too faded.
Then, when you know you are nothing more that transparent, a new world immerges. A world of the faded and of the lost. A world invisible to others, with a password of the imagination. Here you find real love. You find someone to watch the snow melt with. You find someone who notices the way passengers always sit in one spot on the bus, because that is what they know and where they see the world from.
I told you that it was all wrong. That you will never, always be loved and that you can't make a difference. But now you learn what I was talking about. You will never fit into the mold set for you. You will find you passion and fade from the others who don't see it. But when you fade into invisibility, the world changes, and a new one is born.
This is where you will find your light to shine and where you will fall in love with whatever crazy phenomenon makes you tick. Vexing? Yes. Impossible? Silly, haven't you learned by now that that word doesn't exist?
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This was part of my midterm for one of my classes last year so I figured I would post it.
~A <3
