This man was an example of the cruelest outcomes of being human. He once shined with intelligence, kindness, and love, but the universe had reached out to crush his head against the pavement, leaving him bleeding and broken. He was now tortured in h...
"I'm sick of this fucking bullshit." JJ said to the open air. Talking to nobody would generally be considered stinky ass abuser who should die behavior, but JJ did not care. All he cared about was being a freak, and that's why he's the worst protagonist of all time. "Like seriously. I'm suffering SO badly while everyone else is spoiled. It's not like everyone around me is suffering with trauma from me or too busy being dead by me to have trauma. God I hate them."
While he was busy pity farming, Mikey was in the corner trying to think, but his yapping kept getting in the way of that. It made him angy.
"Shut the fuck up" Mikey said. JJ surprisingly ignored him because hurting Mikey again when he did just one chapter ago would be doing too much (don't bullshit me bro, that's the entire fucking book). He was plotting ways to be an edgy Jeff the Killer 2.0 when suddenly, someone materialized in front of him. JJ screamed and threw all of the nearest sharp objects at it, and it crippled to the ground.
"YES!!!!!!!!! I GOT IT!!!!!!" JJ screeched triumphantly. Mikey threw a pan at his head, and he gently laid down for a lil nap.
"ᴼᵘᶜʰ" JJ said.
"I don't give a fuck" Mikey said, unknowingly gaining 299393,9392929+ aura. He was a natural at aura farming because he's the best Maizen character in general. "I'm sick of your yelling."
"Too bad so sad." JJ mocked meanly. "Deal with it. What are you gonna do, tattle on me to your grandpa?"
"Fucking die" Mikey snarled viciously, and carried him over his shoulder to throw him out to the killer clowns. But before he could, the creature JJ had assaulted arose.
"Unga bunga!" The newcomer declared with ecstatic enthusiasm. JJ glared scathingly at it. Mikey gasped high-pitchedly and assessed the situation because of how smart he was.
"That's the female doctor that doesn't have a name because I seriously need to stop giving side characters with little to no relevance names like Alfred for example because it makes it look like this fic has OCs included deliberately when I've secretly despised having OCs in my canon fics!!!!! How did this even happen!!!!
"Is that even you talking at this point" JJ said weirded-outly.
"Yes get over it" Mikey bit back. But before JJ could actually physically bite him back as revenge because he acts like a fucking raccoon lowkey, the doctor gently urged JJ to take his mean intentions and throw them into his pockets. JJ's head slowly turned in her direction like a literal owl
"Who even says that" JJ insulted. "Are you even human"
"Yeah totally :)" She said. "And I have a lil gift for you. I have the cure to your mental illness. Take these."
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"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT PICTURE DAWG???" JJ said outdatedly. Mikey slapped him for being rude + a millennial.
"Be nice and just take it bro, it's like you don't even want to be better." Mikey said, somehow realizing this only just now despite there being genuinely 80+ chapters of Return of the Zombies and Paranoia combined that proved this already.
JJ rolled his eyes and was about to take it, when suddenly he realized he had free will and didn't have to fall into this weirdo's trap. He swiftly punched the creature and she died.
"God I genuinely hate you" Mikey said scathingly as the creature evaporated into dust.
"I hate u too let's kiss ❤️" JJ said weirdly, and started to advance on him. But since Mikey didn't have stockholm syndrome in this chapter + knew his own strength and worth because he's awesome and should be crowned king of everything, he slapped him in the face repeatedly until he passed out.
-
"Oh my god what was that" JJ wondered as he arose from his slumber. As it turned out, he was now in the pear wiggler as punishment for his crimes. He could tell because there were a lot of pears around him.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!" JJ hollered, trying to get out. But he was in tight. The pear wiggler would never let him go. He wailed as he waited for it to shake him to death, but as he was screaming like a loser, he suddenly noticed something else in here with him. It was the one and only god and savior of the universe...... Mikey the turtle. (Except it wasn't it was a hallucination.)
"Bad and naughty children get put into the pear wiggler to atone for their crimes." Fake Mikey said.
"P-Please don't d-do this to me I h-hate pears so m-much........." JJ begged, getting traumatic memories from when the pears killed his entire family at McDonald's. They'd been having a lovely time, when suddenly, the pears showed up and fucking killed them all for genuinely no reason. His mom, his dad, his werewolf grandma, his ex, his son that he abandoned, his robot version of Mikey that he made out with whenever the real Mikey wasn't around....... all of them. Gone.
"Womp womp" Fake Mikey said, and disappeared. Suddenly, JJ felt the walls around him begin to gently rotate up and down. The pears around him began to wiggle.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD NO PLEASE I'M GENHINELT SO SORRY I WKNT DO ANYTHING BAD EVER AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD" He tried to scream, but it was too late. He was already being wiggled. His fate was sealed.
Or so he thought. Eventually he woke up. It was all just a dream. JJ sighed gustily in relief at the positive turn of events, and he turned around in the bed to face Mikey. But he was GONE.
"WOE IS ME!!!!!!!!!" JJ wailed pathetically. Someone needs to stab him in every area of his body and feed him alive to killer clowns I actually swear to god.
