Storm...

Storm:

I could hear the storm rumbling as I pulled the covers from me. My husband had a shift at the hospital again and it was times like this I missed him so much. I needed my man. I needed him to pull me into his arms and kiss away the fears that the storm always seemed to make me have when it began. I know people think it’s just a storm it won’t hurt you but I can’t describe the feeling I get when I hear the thunder and rain beat on the window it always wakes me up. It would appear someone else it also woke up in the house.  I could hear the tiny voice the one who I knew needed me more now than anyone at the moment. My Daughter, Her little voice screaming for me as if I was far away. I was not that far only across the landing. This was her first storm I was not sure how she was going to react to them. Is she was anything like me then she would not like them. The wind was howling through the house, this old house which really needed the windows replacing another thing to add to the list of things I needed to do to make this a home for my daughter and I. She was just a year old and now I could hear her tiny voice shouting my name.

‘Mama Mama Mama’ she wailed and it tore me in two. I needed to get to my daughter needed to take her in my arms and tell her everything was okay that her mama was here and she was going to protect her no matter what. As I opened the door to her nursery decorated as a pink little girl’s room, the first room I had done in the house. I still smiled as my husband watched me with amusement as his heavily pregnant wife was painting our little girls room when we found it was a girl. My husband was away a lot tonight being one of those nights so it was just me and my beautiful little girl in the house. I bent down as I watched my little girl sitting against the cot as if she had tried to pull herself up over the bars and hadn’t quite made it. Her hands immediately shot up as she heard me approach.

I picked her up and scooped her into my arms holding her close to me. ‘Sssshh little one, its okay mama’s got you. It’s going to be okay’ I felt her snuggle into the warmth from me and begin to hush, but her breathing became frantic as another crash of thunder hit above our heads.

I moved her closer and began to sing to her. I thought of the most appropriate song that I could think of at the moment which seemed to be Lifehouse’s song Everything, because this little girl really was everything to me. It is hard to explain unless you are a mother how much a little life that you carried for nine months how much you love them unconditionally.

 As I began to allow the words to flow from my mouth as I began to gently circle the room with my daughter gently bobbing her up and down to calm her. By the time I had finished the song she was softly snoring in my ear. The rise and fall of her chest back to normal I hoped that while she was in my arms that she would not wake either that or the storm would not last too long. She looked so much like her father, her dark hair and her blue eyes. She was the spitting image of him and she could wrap him around her little finger.

I was aware that I did not like storms myself she was like me in that respect but I would not show her that I was fearful of them. She needed her mama to be brave for her, she needed her mama to be strong, there would be time for me to break down another time but for now I was going to be super mama to the little girl who needed me.  I could break down when Alec was back, My doctor Alec Track, He was working tonight although as ERT (emergency response team) leader and the weather that was rumbling around forgive me if I was a little concerned about my husband I wondered if my daughter could feel my nervousness about the storm.

Sitting on the rocking chair that I had in her room for the times I would get up in the night when she was tiny and I would feed her. I sat myself down, moving my little girl so that she was now cradled by me. Wrapping the blanket around her I listened to the rain falling down on the windows and the wind howl. However, it would seem now, while my daughter was in my arms she was not afraid. I had to hand it to my darling girl her faith in me as her mother really was something I was still getting used to. Her dependence of me as the woman who gave her life still caught me by surprise even though she was a year old.

I storm continued to keep up for well into the night it did not seem to want to stop but as I looked down at Lottie, or Charlotte her given name although I have always called her Lottie. I knew that it would all be okay, because I was going to make sure of it. Alec would be home soon and he would want to know that his two beautiful girls were fine and all well.

As the early morning broke through, I could see the sun trying to shine. I placed my daughter back in her cot. I walked down to the kitchen switching the kettle on. I heard the door open. My husband was home. He looked at me as he sat at the table. His blue eyes full of concern. He would often come home like this when he came home after a late shift as if I did not understand his job, he saved lives. It was what he did. I know he thought he allowed me to do too much with charlotte but I knew for sure he would get time off when he could and since she was born he had managed to swing a few more shifts off with his second in command Naz.

‘Did she wake you up?’ he asked, he watched me as he often did and I could not help but feel the shrill in my body when he did.

‘I was awake because of the storm anyway, but it would seem our daughter has inherited my fear of them’ I smiled sipping my coffee, ‘How was your shift?’ I saw bags under his eyes with his blue eyes looking somewhat dull. It must have been a rough shift.

‘It was hard, but I kept thinking I should have been home with my two girls because they needed me to hold them tight’

I smiled, and sat myself on his lap, ‘We were okay’

He pulled my lips to his, ‘I know but now you haven’t had any sleep and she will be up soon’ he whispered into my ear, ‘and I know what you are like with storms’

‘I am hoping she is going to let me sleep for a few hours’ I smiled softly kissing my husband, ‘You need some rest my gorgeous husband. You are looking very tired’

‘I will only go to bed if my wife will join me’

I smiled to him and touched my wedding band and then his, ‘we’d better get up there quick before Lottie squeals the place down because she has heard her daddy’s voice’

He nodded and kissed my lips again. ‘I love you’

‘I love you too’

‘How about I hold my wife like I should have done last night and pretend I am fighting the storm away from her?’

‘If that is what you want to do’

He took my hand and led me to our room gathering me in his arms he held me until I drifted off to sleep.