Those Who Waited (BBC Merlin)

Chapter 13: Half

The family had lived in the quaint house, isolated from the civil war, for a year before they decided to think about returning to their real home, much closer to the larger towns. The problem with their incredibly lucky safe house was that they were all but cut off from the rest of the country, and so they had no news of how the civil war was progressing—who had won, if it had ended, if their home was one of the many that was burnt to the ground in the fray.

Susetthe felt as though a good half of her world was crumbling when it was announced one evening at dinner—that evening just days from the exact anniversary of their arrival—that her Papa and Gwaine would be traveling to their old home. They were going as scouts for her and her Mama, to see if it was safe enough for them to resume their lives. The reality was something to swallow, thick and sticking to the walls of her throat and making the process difficult. She'd always known this new home, with its forest to run in and host the make-believe games with Gwaine, where she met and talked with her secret friend, was temporary. But a year was a long time in the eyes of a child who was just freshly seven years, and the temporary-ness of it had faded and she'd grown too used to this life to readily leave it. The child wondered how she was to go about the time until the men returned.

Well, she knew for certain that she wouldn't do what she did the first two days. They had no knowledge of the current events, and thus no knowledge of what Gwaine and her Papa were heading into. What if a new regime had been installed, one that was harsh against outsiders or those who had not displayed blind loyalty, and her brother and her Papa were executed on the spot? What if, even before then, bandits attacked them? What if one of them got wounded or ill, and neither knew health as well as her Mama?

At midday of third day they were gone, Susetthe finally stepped out of her home, dressed and bathed and not quite feeling so ready to throw up her breakfast. There were a few short yards of clear grass between the back wall of the house and the forest. Right at the edge of the trees, stood an old man with white hair flowing down his head and around his face and chest, in a long, ragged red tunic and robe set that trailed to the floor and was something Susetthe had never seen anyone else wear. She smiled softly at her friend, aware that no one else could see him there and, as usual, her Mama believed him to be her imagination.

"Hello," she greeted pleasantly when she had joined him at the edge. Her Mama had asked her not to go too far today, because no Gwaine was there—not that her brother really did much supervising anyway, always running off and trying to hunt or fight a tree. But she obeyed nonetheless, and the two waited to converse until they were a few more yards into the trees.

Susetthe stopped, aware that their clearing was still farther. "Mama asked me not to go too far today, Gwaine and Papa are gone," she explained when Merlin turned back to her, and she grimaced when she felt her voice waver during the last part.

The old man knelt to be at eye-level, his sapphire eyes narrowed in concern. "What is troubling, Susetthe?" he asked quietly, coaxing an explanation and her sadness out of her.

"Papa and Gwaine went back home, Merlin," she said softly, barely above a whisper as if afraid that, spoken aloud, the words would solidify her fears. "What if they get hurt? Or sick? Or lost?"

"Susetthe—" Merlin began, itching to soothe the child's nightmares, but she rolled over him.

"We do not even know what's home anymore—what if it got destroyed during all the fighting? Mama won't speak much about it, but I know. I know why we left. And, and, what if there's bad guys in it who will be mean or steal our stuff or Papa's and Gwaine's stuff? Or, or—or—" she choked as her momentum began to run out, and Merlin quickly jumped in.