Alone

Chapter 14

I talked to Nathaniel for over an hour. He just sat there and listened, something James never did. Finally, I smiled and looked at my hands.

"I'm sorry. I'm talking too much." I said. Nathaniel laughed.

"No, you needed someone to talk to and I was available. Believe me, it's no trouble. But may I ask one question?" He asked. I nodded. "What was wrong with what they did?" He asked as I lost my smile. He really just asked me that.

"Besides the face they were not confronting me with this disagreement. Nathaniel, they should have just talked to me instead of fighting about it." I explained.

"Point taken, but what is so wrong with two people caring about you? They're fighting for you. Eve believes there's something wrong, which I agree, but your brother won't see that. He's in denial. He loves you so he doesn't want to see that pain that's so clearly all over you face." I smiled a little. He was right and I knew that. I couldn't deny it.

"Yeah, I know. I just wish I could explain everything to them. Everything they don't know. It's just so hard to talk about it. I just never realized how bad it was until Waylon started asking questions." I said as he sat up.

"Waylon? What kind of questions could a seven year old ask about abuse?" He asked. I smiled weakly.

"Two of my mom's boyfriends hit me. Thomas and then there was Dan. Well, Dan was around when James was around. So when James would leave visible marks, I told everyone Dan did it. Well, James must've told Waylon and Waylon asked about it the day you and Abigail started school."

"Oh. Well, forgive for asking, but why were you with him? You had to know it was wrong." He asked. I took a deep breath as I thought really hard about his question.

"I was a classic case. I loved him. But once I tried to leave him but he wouldn't leave me alone. He did everything he could to get me back Finally, he swore up and down that he had changed. He said he was different but at that point it was only verbal abuse. It wasn't until after I took him back that it became physical.

"I took him back and he seemed like he had changed. He was different, he was a lot nicer. Never said a word to hurt me. But about three months later, I realized he wasn't going to change, the physical started up and I left him again. That's when he again told me he was sorry, that he didn't mean it. It would never happen again and I believe him. I can't believe I believe him. He would tell me he loved me, then he would hit me, but I couldn't leave again. I was too afraid.

"Then Kevin told me to brake up with him two weeks before the accident. He told me to leave him but I was still too afraid of what James would do if I had broken up with him a third time. But one this it true." I explained. Nathaniel looked at me funny.

"What's that, Lori?"

 "If I had broken up with him, he would still be alive. I never would have gone to that party so I never would have been in that car on that road and we never would have crashed. He wouldn't have died." I said. I heard Nathaniel sigh as he let his head drop.

"Lori, it's not your fault he died. It was an accident. Why won't you believe that?" He asked. I chuckled as I wiped the tears from my eyes.

 Because I was there. Nathanil, it was my fault. I grabbed the steering wheel of a car going over a hundred miles an hour. I should have know better." I said. Nathaniel took my hands in his and smiled.

"Just because you were there and just because you didn't brake up with him and you grabbing the wheel, doesn't make it your fault." I smiled. He then pulled me to him and he kissed me again. I never realized that I never felt like this with James. It was never real. Not like this. When he broke the kiss, I  smiled.