Random Thoughts I Have When I Should Be Sleeping

2:38 AM

When I was in the 6th grade I would fall asleep imagining a guy I cared for holding me. It was like my heart was yearning to feel loved and protected but my mind had to picture someone I knew to make it feel real. These fantasies made the person I was imagining into someone they weren't. I made myself think they were a perfect little Prince Charming and I always ended up getting hurt. I would create these little illusions every night until a couple months ago. I have been hurting myself with these fantasies for almost four years now. I realized this after I got hurt for the millionth time. I don't care for anyone like I used to. I can't. It feels like my shattered heart has finally been pieced back together but it has been done so incorrectly. My heart feels completely empty and useless. Like I can't feel the same for anyone ever again. Like I've used up all the love I can give. And it hurts.