I opened my eyes and walked through the carpet as red as a rose.
I was wearing a long dress painted white. Shoes three inches high. A ring of flowers on my head. A thin sheet of cloth running down my face.
Sweet lovely songs blowing through the air. A Bouquet of flowers I held on my hand. Petals filled the room together with bouquets tightly tied to poles inside the room.
People on gowns and tux, with smiles plastered on their faces as if they couldn't get enough.
I looked at them one by one and saw familiar faces at the crowd. I saw two of my prince that always had my back all trough out my life. They were smiling with their two thumbs up.
I remember, when they sneaked in, inside the venue of the night of my prom. That night I knew I would just sit in and watch as my batch mates dance through the lovely romantic songs. But there they were wearing coats and ties. Looking as charming as they were actually are. They walked near me and offered their hand as a sign if we could have a dance. I took first my kuya's hand and we danced for a while then took my little brother's and we danced. After a little while, one of my batch mates walked near us and asked if I could have a dance with him. It took a little while before they apparently approved.
I took a glance at side my mother and father were holding me so tight.
My father was holding me as if I was still his five years old baby girl that has always believed that he was his king.
I could still recall when he always pretended to be the king and I was the princess. Then Mommy would join and be the queen. They'll dance in-front of me like there was no tomorrow. Then kuya would enter the room with my little brother and offer his hand for a dance. And then we would dance through the night like it felt like it was forever to begin with.
My mother held my left arm like I was her new born baby that would cry for her mother's presence. She has tears running down her face but she was smiling at me and held me so tight.
I could still recall whenever I had a contest to join at our school, I won't start if I won't see her before the contest. There was even this one time that, it was my turn to perform and act on stage. But I didn't proceed, in fact I cried. Then she came in running through the crowd and then I found her standing in-front of me with a smile. And then she told me that I could win this. She kissed my forehead before I went on stage and told me that win or loose I'm still a winner for her.
I took a glance in front of me. There was a prince standing straight at the end of the aisle. He was my forever. He was the one who had the courage to ask me to dance with him during prom, even if he knew I was dancing with my over protective brothers. He was the down to earth person that respect my family so much, that he asked their permission first before even he started courting me. He was the patient one that waited for me to turn eighteen before even he could start courting me. He was the most respectful man that I knew that would always ask for my permission before he would do something when we were already in a relationship. He was the caring, loving and most understanding person I knew. Even if I would drag him crazy during my red days. He stood by my side. Even if I was wrong he would be the first one to ask for forgiveness. He was the perfect ideal man. He was the one that my father and mother always told me that I would someday marry and would take care of me forever. He fitted perfectly to a position of being a perfect husband and father.
He smiled at me from cheek to cheek. He has a job. He fulfilled his dreams he knows himself well.
He knows me well. I knew him well. But I don't know who I was. I've forgot who I was.
He was perfect for me, but I wasn't perfect for him.
I wasn't happy with my job. It wasn't my dream. I thought I be happy but no I wasn't. I graduated with honors with the profession of surgery but, I ended up being a assistant of the surgeon.
I don't know who my friends are. I've started to doubt everyone, everything. I don't trust enyone fully.
I don't know myself anymore.
This. This wedding. I know everyone. But I don't even know how they'd came up with this. All I did was fit a gown. And where I was the whole time? I was in the hospital making myself busy.
For the past year I haven't even had the time for him. If we had. It was just for a simple lunch. Even our anniversaries. I tend to forget.
I know that I love him. But I don't know if this was right.
I would be unfair to him if I would marry him with doubts. If I knew I wasn't myself anymore. If I knew that I wasn't the same Kassadie, Dylan used to love.
We're halfway through the aisle. And I knew I had to make a move.
I know I love him. I'm sure I do. But I also know I don't deserve him. I wasn't her ideal girl. I don't deserve his kind actions. His loving gestures. And everything that he is. So I stopped walking and stood still.
I looked at the people around me and they were asking what was going on. I look at my parents with tears on my face. I was to weak to say something. So I let my eyes speak to them and asked for forgiveness.
I looked at the man who is now rushing down the aisle. But before he could even reach me I mouthed the words. "I LOVE YOU. BUT, I'M SORRY."
And there I was running out of the church.
