Dripping Roses

17

Love!

A feeling I never thought I could of felt again. Scar! A woman I never thought would of been the one to make me love again. I loved every fiber in her body. Even her atrocious deeds, tugged me at her. Her anger, her cheesy romance and her possessiveness. I loved Scar, I just couldn't tell her. I feel selfish. I want the great sex from Kelly, but I want the the heart from Scar. I longed for Scar's kisses and her strong hold on me. The past week she dropped and picked me up from work. I finally got my car back yesterday. Though that's not the problem. The problem is that Scar didn't even know about the undercover job.

The next morning after I saw Jinx at the precinct, she came to me and told me not to hurt Scar or else she will personally kill me. To be honest I wasn't afraid of her minor threat but I still agreed with her. Because I knew I wouldn't hurt Scar again. Tomorrow is the day of the mission and tonight is the night I'll tell Scar about everything.

I have to give her my all or none at all. So I choose my all. Even if she kills me tonight, I'll still love her. Knowing Scar she's going to immediately behead me. Being a lawyer, maybe I can talk myself out of it but if Scar wants to kill me, I'll take my consequences.

I grabbed my hand bag and my keys and walked out of the firm. Everything supposed to go down smoothly for the agents. I extracted myself from the case because I knew that I couldn't go through with it. As for me and Kelly, we're on a rough end of our relationship and I'm just waiting for it to slip. She apologized for the night she brought up my past and I forgave her. But it didn't end there. The next night Scar dropped me home, she began chastising Scar and if it wasn't for my strong hold on her hand, Scar would of killed her. I had to pull Kelly inside and bid Scar a farewell. I of course wanted to pull her in by her tie and smash my lips to hers.

After that day, Kelly and I didn't have any sexual encounters and I was ecstatic for that. I began having no feelings towards her, not even sexual.

I arrived at Scar's house and walked in. I halted in my steps when I saw Scar pressed on the wall and Angie's mouth stuck to hers. I rolled my eyes and pulled Angie by her hair out of the door. She began tugging at my hand in signs of protest, but my hold simply got stronger. I pushed her out of the door and gave her a demeaning scowl. She tried rushing back in but I slammed the door before she even made a step. I turned to Scar and scowled. She smiled innocently and shrugged. I walked to her and slapped her; hard! She groaned and held her stinging cheeks.

"Why were you kissing her?" I shouted. My anger has risen and Scar will be a lucky woman if she walks out of this one alive.

"She kissed me," she begun and rubbed her cheeks, "I tried pushing her off."

"Scar, you're a fucking gang leader and you couldn't escape the hold of a mental person."

"I didn't want to hurt her!" She sighed while running a hand through her thick, black curls.

"You need a hair cut and that doesn't mean you couldn't push her off."

"Sydney you know I only love you." I rolled my eyes and walked away from her.

"Princess!" She called.

"Have you ever been in love?" She called. "That you can't wait to see that person. When she smiles at you and you feel like its only two of you in the world. When that spark ignites in your stomach. A simple touch from them, has you longing for more. A kiss that makes your entire day. Just their presence gives you a feeling of euphoria. That's how I am with you Sydney. You're my world. I will never let anything come between us." She smiled. I sighed and felt my heart shatter at her words.

"Scar, we.. Um we need to talk!"

"What is it?" She asked.

"Well you see.... Um!"

"Wait hold that thought!" She said and answered her phone. I sighed in relief because I really have no clue on how to tell her about this. She walked out of the room and I walked into the theater. I sat and stared blankly at the screen.
She came back five minutes after and smiled. I smiled and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"What was it you wanted to talk about?"

I gave her a small smile and shook my head. "Never mind!"

"Are you sure?" She asked worriedly.

I nod and closed my eyes while resting my head on my knees. I was slowly drifting asleep, when I felt my body being elevated.

--_--------

I woke up with strong hands draped across my chest and a head of black hair rested on my breasts. I looked down and saw that I only had on a bra. Scar's leg was wrapped around my waist. I smiled and dipped lower into her. The friction from her knee rubbed against my lower region and I had to stifle a moan. "Scar!" I whispered. She groaned and opened one of her eyes. She smiled up at me and kissed the swells of my breast.

"Good morning princess!" She beamed.

"Its morning!" I yelled and rushed out of bed.

"Where are you going?" She draped her arm over her torso and stared at me.

"I have work Scar! Also Kelly is going to be worried."

"Right!!! The idiosyncratic girlfriend of yours." She spat.

I sighed and pulled on my dress and sat at the edge of the bed. "Scar you know the circumstances. Give me a little more time please."

She nod meekly and laid back on the bed. I groaned internally when the thought of tonight came to mind. Tonight Scar will be arrested. Worst case scenario killed, and I still can't find the guts to tell her. My father was right, I am a heartless, stoic expressionist, that only cares for myself. Here I am hurting and betraying the most beautiful woman I know. Flaws and all.

Scar Kenneth, once the world's most brutal killer, now the girl that stole my heart. At twenty five years, my walls broke. All the barricades I spent years building, crashed and burnt right before my eyes. I'm weak, pathetic, an illusionist of my mere dreams. I am a coward. I am a coward because I can't tell Scar the truth. I am a coward because I can't even tell her how I feel. I am a coward because I can't end things with Kelly. I am a coward because after so many years, I can't face my mother. I am a coward. A coward us what I'll always be. I hated these feelings. Though the tribulations in my life was to make me stronger. It broke me instead. My features may seem composed but my insides are dead. There's no more life to them. I can't think right. Jennifer was right all along. I am an epitome of my father and as much as I hated it, he succeeded. He succeeded in making me a missionary. A missionary of his deeds. Emotions were once void of my life, now I feel a wave of guilt. A guilt that only Scar can mend. A guilt that is slowly eating away at my insides. Leaving me an emotionless core.

I walked into the apartment and expected Kelly to be at work, but instead she was seated on the couch casually drinking a cup of coffee. "Good morning Sydney!"

My eyebrows rose in shock but I simply shrugged it off and hurried into the shower. I stood under the warm waters and analyzed the conclusion of tonight. Scar is either going to be arrested or dead tonight. That isn't something I can process and I need to stop it. I don't know how I will but this deal will be stopped. If I have to make things right between Scar and I, this is the first step.

I pulled out my phone and dialled her number. "Jinx, I need your help."