How I Met You (Regular)

Ch×4

I woke up the next day at 8 with bubble guts. I'm pretty sure I was farting in my sleep. Them Po Boys catching up to me. I sat up straight from sleeping on the couch. As soon as I bent over a fart released it self. Poor Kelly probably suffered all night. I looked over at her and she was drooling on my damn couch. I resisted the urge to punch her nasty self.

I scooted off the couch and made a quiet run for the bathroom. I didn't even fully get my pants down before farts started exploding. I sat on the toilet and felt weights lifted off my stomach. It was like I wasn't even in control. After a few minutes I got bored and realized I left my phone out there.

"Damn" I mumbled.

I looked around for something to entertain me and found the scented air spray bottle.

"Moody Mango. Hm, didn't know a fruit could have a mood"

For the next 20 mins I sat and read the spray bottle, shampoo bottle, and the instructions manual for the toilet. I don't even know why there are instructions for a toilet but I guess not everyone knows to flush.

I wiped then pulled up my pants. I was about to flush when curiosity got the best of me. I looked down into the bowl. It's was truly indescribable. I quickly flushed and washed my hands extra good. That was gross. I grabbed the scented spray and sprayed away the smell. It smelt better than it looked.

I went back into the living room and saw Kelly in the same position still drooling on my couch. I threw a couch pillow at her. I expected her to wake up but she turned and laid down on the couch cushions. I grabbed my phone and went into my room.

I plopped down on the bed and clicked the power button on my phone. It's 8:36 August 14. My phone is on a 40%.

I wanted to go back to sleep but I wasn't really tired. I'll just have to try and force myself. I opened up my Instagram.

My insta use to be poppin. I use to get all the likes and comments, people sliding in my DMs but that is no more. It's drier than sand. I went from 180 likes to a steady 33. Ever since I got into my last relationship they vanished and that was honestly a big waste of my time.

Maybe about 4 months ago. I met this guy named Marlon. He was 27 and goofy as hell. We had started talking 4 months ago. You know how good the talking stage can be. So after meeting him several times and getting to know him we decided to make us official. He asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. I thought we were gonna happy. Do well together. You know how someone seems good until you're stuck with them? After I said yes it's like he changed, he use to keep a smile on my face everyday. Keep me happy and laughing. I use to be happy with him. After we made it official its like we argued every night. Over something stupid. I couldn't take being upset every night so after 2 months I decided it'd be best for us to just break it off cause we don't make each other happy. You'd expect me to be upset after a break up, but no. I was back to my pimping ways. I mean he was an incredibly handsome man. But we jus didn't connect. I didn't have those feelings for him. It's better to stay friends but he didn't want that so we're nothing now. Is he missed? No.

So it's been about a month since we broke up and in that short time all my followers abandoned me. But it's coo. I guess. After scrolling down my TL looking at these ugly people I locked my phone and turned on the tv. I went to cartoons and my favorite was on. Sponge bob. Right on time.

"Ooooo who lives in a pineapple under the sea" I tiredly said to myself as I yawned. My eyes were burning with sleep to overcome them. My eyelids heavy but my mind was wide awake. I continued watching sponge bob, the episode where the Krusty Krab was open 24hrs and they were scared by the Hash Slinging Slasher. I love this episode. Before the episode was even over I was knocked out. I didn't even remember going to sleep.