Safety Pins || Fuenciado

Chapter 4

There are good nerves and bad nerves, and somehow they sit differently. Good nerves are full of helium and sit high in the pit of your stomach, starting from a tiny stirring and building up over time to a full-blown flutter that stretches the corners of your mouth into a grin and lifts you off your feet. Bad nerves come on more abruptly. You're fine, and then suddenly there's a lead weight at the bottom of your gut and a churning right below the base of your throat. It's weird when you have both at once.

Tony told me I could have his car on the twelfth as long as I dropped him off at the Millers' house, because Joanie McBride is babysitting there until two AM and he thinks he could get lucky. By the time I'm knocking on Tony's window, I'm nervous as hell. If I remember correctly, Vic has had sex with three different people. The entirety of my knowledge of sex in general comes from eighth-grade sex ed; then, you throw in the gay factor, and all I can cite is "Homo-Sexual" by Angry Samoans and what Vic told me three days ago. I mean, he knows I'm a virgin, but it's still nerve-wracking. I could make a dickweed of myself, easy.

"Why do you look like you just saw a ghost?" Tony asks me as we slide into the car. A light flicks on inside the house and he tosses me the keys and prompts, "Shit. Drive."

We get the hell out of there while I admit, "I may score a home run tonight."

"For real?" he exclaims.

I shrug. "Yeah."

"Where are you headed? Is it someone from school?"

"Nah. It's just someone I, uh...I met her at the bar."

"Dude, that's bitchin'. What does she look like?"

I turn onto the road and divulge, "She's short...tan...brown hair and eyes. Nice lips, nice ass...."

"Goddamn, Himes. It's about time."

I chuckle. "Guess so."

"What's her name?"

"Uh...Victoria."

I turn my head to the left a little to hide my smile. Vic could convincingly pass as a girl anyway if he threw on some lipstick, so it's not that hard to lie to Tony about it. I bullshit a few more details about 'Victoria' until I'm pulling up in front of the Millers' to let Tony out.

"Have fun f.ucking Joanie," I offer.

"Will do. See your dwindling virgin ass later."

I chuckle and make sure he gets in the house without committing a heinous crime before pulling out and setting my course to the bar. Dwindling virgin ass. That'll be stuck in my head.

The nerves wrestle around in my stomach the whole way there. Part of the time I'm verging on giddy, and the rest of the time I'm verging on ralphing up my dinner. Once I arrive, the scores are pretty even. I'm a little late. Vic is probably already playing.

Thankfully, the line to get in isn't too long tonight; all the college kids must be studying for finals. The muggy air hits me when I enter. Then, I hear a familiar voice over the speakers and I can't help but smile.

Vic goddamn Fuentes, belting his heart out in front of a horde of alcoholics and hessians.

He's, like, in the zone and doesn't notice me come in, so I lean up against the back wall and just watch him. He spits out the words almost faster than Will can play; he stomps around the stage and lies on the ground and pushes crowd surfers down and just f.ucking sings. I feel sorry for anyone who has never seen a performance like this. The music is f.ucking inspired. And Vic? He's a goddamn animal.

You wouldn't think that the heaviest of punk music could be soothing, but it actually tames my unease pretty well. By the middle of the set, Will looks more nervous up on stage than I feel. I mean, he's obviously a shy dude, but, like, I'm about to have sex for the first time and he does this a few times a week. So, yeah, it's pretty impressive of me to be calm.