Crisis Core: The Novel

Chapter 31 - Friendship

Zack was so bored he caught himself pacing around the hallways of SOLDIER wing singing "Breakfast at Tiffany's" to himself. He found his friends engaged in deep conversation by the bulletin board, hand motions and everything.

"Zack!" Alair called to him. "Do you sit or squat?"

"Whaaa?" Zack stopped. Luxiere elaborated.

"When you go to the bathroom, do you sit down or squat over the toilet to wipe?"

"Uhhhhh..."

"Wait, I know!" said Kunsel. "Zack likes to do squats, he's definitely a squatter!"

Zack threw his hands up.

"...Caught me red-handed."

"I knew it! That settles it."

"No!" Alair continued. "Evolutionarily, we're supposed to sit with our feet propped up on something to ease the stress on our internal organs. Then one-two-three swipes, you're done!"

"You actually put your hand inside the toilet bowl to wipe!? That's how girls do it!"

"And it's the best way to get the dingle-berries!"

Kunsel ran his hand down his face. "This is stupid, why are we even talking about this?"

"Wow, this is bad," Luxiere agreed. "We need a mission. We're really bored if we're arguing over this."

"Dude, I'm about to go let all the animals out of the R&D labs just to give us something to do!"

Zack jumped in at that, because he didn't put it past them to actually do it.

"Wait, Alair is right. This is a very important philosophical problem. We can't just leave it unsolved, the greater good of society could be at stake! And then what are we even doing in SOLDIER?"

Made sense. So they went back to arguing the finer points of bathroom protocol when Damaris stopped them.

"Whoa, someone's lost..." He pointed out an infantryman wandering around SOLDIER wing. The guy must have had a death wish. He might as well have waltzed into rival gang territory.

"Hey!" Zack called out to him, and the guy actually smiled! He started over to Zack like he knew him. "...What do you think you're doing here?"

The kid stopped on a dime. Apparently he hadn't heard what they did to an infantryman in the restrooms last week who'd tried to use SOLDIER's facilities when theirs was out of order. The kid stood up startled.

"I'm sorry, I know I'm not supposed to be up here—"

"Well turn straight back around and march out the way you came in."

Zack waved his finger in a circle telling the guy where he could go, but he just stood there like he didn't understand a word Zack had said! That's it, Zack would have to pull rank on this little punk. He rushed over like a devil dragon to chew him out as the kid snapped to attention at parade-rest.

"Let's go! We're in a hurry here, move it or lose it!"

"SIR!"

But then, Zack stopped...Mako eyes?

"Wait, you're Cloud!"

He took off his helmet, and tufts of spikey blonde hair shot to the ceiling.

"Hey Zack."

Zack threw a hug around him! The other SOLDIER's just stood there clueless with their mouths gaping. Zack pushed him out to arms-length with a smile that took in his ears.