Finding Home

Chapter four - Finding the Lac

On Wednesday my dad took me kayaking, just for the fun of it. We drove a half hour to this really beautiful river, and rented kayaks from this very sketchy man. My dad was as friendly as ever despite the old cranky man's wandering eyes, odd smell, crooked teeth and general weirdness. He chatted about the news and sports like nothing was different between the two. After we had finally dragged the kayaks into the river, and I had finally stayed on after tipping it over three times, we took off down river. It was quite beautiful, the willow trees hanging over the river like drapes, helping to diminish the scorching heat.

"I took your mother here once," My dad is in front of me, I can't see his face but his voice sounds airy and light. He's  stuck in a dream world again, reminiscing about the better times. It always makes me uncomfortable and really pissed off.

"Really?" I ask just to amuse him. He rarely ever talks about my mother, especially the good memories. But when he does I'm not keen on talking about her either.

"My uncle had a cottage on the lake this river leads to, we took off for the weekend to go up there." I can hear the smile in his voice, my heart breaking a little more with every word. "That was the greatest weekend. It was the weekend I first told her I loved her." He is quiet another moment, both of us have stopped paddling but I still can't see his face. "On Sunday, right before we had to leave I had found the canoe and dragged her out onto the water. We got very lost." He laughs a sad, humorless laugh. "Ended up in this very spot. She was so angry and all I could do was laugh. Then she was even more angry that I was laughing but eventually she started laughing too and soon enough we were nothing more but two idiots laughing like fools. And the words just slipped out. But I meant them. I loved your mom so much." His voice catches on the last few words and a tear slides down my cheek. Despite the shit he has been through my dad is the funniest, happiest and strongest person I know. After a moment he whispers under his breath, something I could barely hear. "Sometimes I think I still do love her."

"Dad..." My voice is hard and I feel the fury rise in me. How dare she do this to him? "Don't do this to yourself. Don't say that. You know what she did to us, how can you ever forgive her?" Finally he turns his kayak around so he is facing me. His normally smiling face looks broken, a few more tears slide down my face. This isn't how our adventures are supposed to go.

A sad smile appears on his face, "I know, sweetheart. And no I could never forgive her. But she gave me you and that is the greatest thing to ever happen to me." I am full on sobbing now. I'm not much of a crier but in a few words my dad can have me breaking down in tears. He comes even closer and leans as close as he can to rest a hand on my knee. "Shh, it's okay. We're okay. Okay?" I nod in response, wiping away my tears and brushing my hair away from my face. I give him a sad smile which he returns. "Say it for me, kiddo. Say we're okay."

"We are okay."

-

When I finally make it to Charlie's, I briefly think I have been pranked. There are no lights on in her house, no signs of life. I almost turn my dad's car around right then and head home. But instead I park and climbed out, and once I had I can hear the faint laughter and chatter of people. Following a path through the fields of flowers I make my way behind the house. Way in the back, near the tree line, sits about five people around the cackling of a fire. I hesitantly make my way over, besides Charlie I don't recognize the three other faces I can see, one has their back to me.

"You made it!" Charlie's voice calls out to me. She smiles broadly and waves me over to where she is sitting. I smile at her before sitting in the lawn chair beside her. "Let me introduce you to everyone." She points to the guy on the left of her, "This is Willem my friend since pre-school."