I held him closer. His breaths uneven and barely there. He was dying. My big brother, the one I thought invincible, lay crumpled and bleeding in my arms. He was scared, scared of what life he'd be leaving me and our other brothers to. He'd never show it though, protecting my innocence til his last breath.
I wanted him to know I loved him, make up for all the things I'd never get to say. Let him have all the experiences he'd never get to do. Show him the memories he'd never get to share with me and our brothers. I cradled him with my right arm and had my left pressed against the wound.
He was bleeding out. That much was clear, even to my untrained eye. He'd leave us behind in a matter of minutes. How long he had I didn't know. I'd make them last, so even when the darkness claimed my big brother he'd be smiling. I was always good at that.
Somewhere along the line I messed up. I always did. Maybe if I had begged them to stay home tonight and play video games a little harder, I wouldn't be watching Raphael die.
It had been any other run, we were all supposed to go home and live our lives together as the family we had always been. But when the Foot attacked we had all split up, there were just too many of them for us to take on. We split up, and when Leo found out what had happened after that he'd blame himself.
I wont blame Leo, how was he supposed to know that shuriken would strike Raph in the back of the neck, how was he to know me and Donny's big brother would tumble off the side of the roof, how was our all knowing leader supposed to know that a sharp pipe would break Raphs fall?
I should've taken the hit. This should be me, not Raph. If I had, the broken body of my hotheaded brother wouldn't be gasping for breath in my arms. He hasn't said much, only requesting I pull out that accursed pipe. I hadn't wanted to at first, but when he said it was his final request I couldn't deny him.
The way his face contorted in agony when I had pulled out the pipe will haunt my dreams for the rest of my life. He had reared up, his teeth clenched and his eyes closed. It must have been awful, and I wished now that I had just left it in. When he had finally laid back down I wrapped my arms around him, careful as to not disturb his wound.
The gaping hole where he had been skewered. When I had found him, I had made the gut wrenching discovery that there was more pipe than the turtle. He had only asked me to lend him a hand. Like he wasn't a turtle kebob bleeding out in a dark and dirty New York Alley.
"Its gunna be alright Mike." He gently wiped a tear from my eye. I choked on everything I tried to say, so I merely nodded. He wanted his last few moments filled with my voice, but I couldn't give that to him. My voice was gone right alongside my hope. I was an awful brother.
I untied my orange mask and tried to place a little pressure on the hole, the grunt of pain I received in response made me stutter for a moment, but I continued. It was a last ditch effort, my final attempt to save Raphs life. I should call Donny, beg him to find us and reassure me he could save him.
But the look Raph gave me told me not to. He had accepted he was dying, who was I to take that from him? Tell him that he'd live only to have him slip away when I wasn't by his side. I just didn't have the heart, and for the first time in my life I didn't see the hope. Where was my joy when I needed it most?
My orange mask was soaked through, no longer orange but red. How fitting that my mask now resembled my dying brothers. I just brought him closer, ignoring the river of red life source that streamed down my battered plastron, invading every scratch and indent.
Raphael just let me hug him. I wanted to know what he was seeing, what he was feeling in his final moments. Every breath sounded that much more painful, and anyone other than Raph would have given up trying. He was bull headed, always had been.
