The Only Bruise On Your Heart

Confusion

The second Drew entered his house, he kicked his shoes off and sprinted up the stairs, pulling out his mobile phone as he went. His parents were busy talking to the men working in the kitchen, so he knew he wouldn't get in trouble for not talking to them - he just wanted some time to breathe. 

He couldn't deny it any longer: he had feelings for Shane. Like, romantic feelings. He couldn't put a finger on how long he'd had those feelings, but now? They were soulmates. He couldn't ignore that, he couldn't ignore the fact that their friends had immediately assumed they might be in a relationship. He couldn't ignore how beautiful and perfect his best friend was. 

The thing is, he didn't really want to change anything. Well, no - he did, but he didn't want to make things awkward. It was entirely possible (likely, even) that, if Shane found out, he would reject him and then they wouldn't even have their amazing friendship any more, despite their soulmate status. He couldn't face living without his other Timid, he knew that; he would deny himself his feelings if it meant they could keep their friendship intact. 

What would a relationship with Shane be like, exactly? Drew wondered, humming and opening the texting application on his phone. Not that different from what's already going on, he thought to himself sadly. It was only relatively recently that he'd realised how strange their friendship actually was - they didn't act like other best friends, especially not guys. We'd just be able to talk more openly about how much we love each other, and kiss, and, and-- 

He cut his own thoughts off, shaking his head and groaning at his own stupidity. Why was he even considering all of this? They'd already set out the parameters of their soulmate relationship: they were platonic, nothing more, and that was going to be fine. 

Feeling the phone vibrate in his hand, Drew lay back on his bed and flipped up the screen. Guys, look what I found!! The message flashed up at the top of the screen, but he couldn't tell who it was from: the name just read FREAKS. Frowning and curious, he clicked onto it. 

He scrolled up to see that the conversation had only been going for twenty minutes, and it seemed to be a group text made up of the five of them, his closest friends. So far it was just Keveridge chatting about boring crap, so he decided to join in. 

Sup he typed in, laughing under his breath - his friends were weird. Practically instantaneously, Shane popped into the conversation with: Oh hi there Wooly. Drew giggled, then Luke replied: Eager, eager, Mr Barrone. Unsure why, Drew felt the origins of a blush creep up from his jawline. Although he knew that Shane only liked him as a friend, it had always been apparent that his best friend was always very happy to talk to him, and it was seriously cute. Okay, no, he needed to stop calling Shane cute... 

A few minutes of group chat later, Drew received a private message from Shane: Hi :) you ok? Smiling lovingly at his best friend's kindness, he replied quickly and then began to change into his pyjamas. They were the Marvel ones that Shane had bought him a couple of years ago - not for a birthday, just because they "reminded him of Drew". Again, Drew realised how much of a couple they must seem to their friends, and everyone else for that matter. 

Tracing the patterns on his hands, Drew let his mind wander wherever it wanted to go. Of course he ended up thinking about Shane again: what was he going to do? He knew that he probably wouldn't tell the other boy how he felt - he wanted Shane to be happy more than anything else - and besides, he wasn't sure if he wanted a relationship, exactly. He just wanted to know what was going on in his mind. 

Yo soulmates Laurence texted to the group chat, now renamed VAMP KILLERS. Ignoring the perplexing change of group name, Drew responded: Yes, kind panda? and watched Shane's message pop up straight afterwards: ci? It didn't take long for Laurence to reply with: Think fast, red or black? Both the Timids eventually answered that black was better, to which Laurence started boasting to his best friend, saying he knew he was right and that Kier was just being stubborn with his stupid fringe. Drew could practically hear the boys' sarcasm and mocking tones through the words onscreen. 

Drew was surprisingly tired, and could feel his eyelids drooping slowly, refusing to open fully for more than a second. Might sleep soon, sowwy he sent to Shane, rubbing at his face with warm hands, ruffling his hair up. The last thing he saw on the group chat before muting it was Luke asking: So are we vampires that kill or like killers of vampires? Confuse. 

Shane's reply was, of course, lovely. A warm feeling spread throughout Drew's chest, bubbling and swirling around like hot mist. The pleasantness of it made the boy slip further into semi-consciousness, and he finally decided to try to get some sleep. 

Night, fellow Timid x Drew typed out, not thinking before sending it. As soon as the text had been received, he realised his mistake: why the hell had he sent a kiss at the end?! Come on, that was definitely something couples did, not friends. He needed to stop acting so strangely; he couldn't ruin things between them when he didn't even know exactly how he felt, not really. 

Sleep well x was the last thing Drew saw, flashing up briefly on his phone, before he fell asleep. 

.     .     . 

A few roads over, sitting in his bedroom, Shane was having a miniature crisis. What does that mean? he thought frantically, attempting desperately to quell the panic rising in his stomach. Calm down Shane, he didn't mean anything by it, it's just an x, not an actual kiss... He could feel his thoughts going awry, less organised even than usual. Breathing deeply he placed his phone under his bedside table and punched his pillow three times before laying his head down on it. 

Surely he was just being stupid; surely it didn't mean anything; surely Drew didn't realise how confusing he was being... He couldn't blame Drew, though - it wasn't his fault, it was just Shane mixing his feelings with real life. 

Shane wished he could be properly happy: he was so pleased to be the soulmate of the person he loved the most, but he couldn't force himself to cheer up properly when he was feeling so conflicted about everything. These were the thoughts he went to bed with, scratching inside his head painfully like insects. He didn't sleep well, and the worst part about it was that he knew he'd be sleeping fine if his best friend was there with him.