Creating Me - Eremin

Chapter 16

a/n: heeeeeey guys, long time no see. I've been really busy, and then I was really sick, and then I was busy again, but at long last, here is chapter 16. 

Blood poured out of my mouth, my stomach spasming. Tears mingled with the red liquid streaming down my face. How did I get here? What's going on? What-

My eyes flicked open, my lungs desperately gasping for air. My hands shook as shocked sobs wracked my body. I felt sick. In fact- oh god. I covered my mouth with my hands as I sprinted to the bathroom, before retching my guts out into the toilet. When I was done, I wiped my mouth on a towel and flushed, the putrid feeling somewhat gone from my stomach.

I sat in bed, shivering. I'd been so nervous about my surgery, scheduled for that evening, that I'd heaved whatever meager pickings were left in my stomach, out. I don't know why I'd been panicking so much about it. This had been a lifetime dream of mine, I should have been excited, if anything. And in a way, I was, but I was so scared that something would go wrong, anything, that my anxiety took over and... I was puking my guts out at- what time was it? 6:15 AM on the first day of winter break. I sighed and laid back in bed, letting all of the tenseness out of my muscles. 

I laid my eyes over my hands, taking deep breaths. God, I was so fucking scared and so fucking excited that my head was too full and too loud and I knew I was ready but at the same time I was constantly doubting myself and oh god. 

Before I knew what was happening, there were tears slipping down my cheeks and I was suppressing sobs in the back of my throat. I reached back and grabbed a pillow, bringing it around and hugging it to my chest. I was trying so hard to be quiet, but a sob escaped my lips nonetheless. I covered my mouth with my hand to try to muffle the sounds, but they wouldn't stop coming and then, as a last resort, I burrowed into the pillow, hoping the sound which were too loud to make them stop stopstop but the sounds wouldn't go away and then the one thing that I didn't want to happen happened and Eren, amazing, beautiful, Eren, who deserved so much better than me, burst into the room and then he was hugging me and holding me close and telling me everything would be okay.

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After my mental breakdown, I found myself sobbing hysterically, wrapped in Eren's arms. I apologized profusely once I regained the ability to speak, but he simply hushed me and held me tighter. In truth, all I wanted was to curl up in his arms and stay there forever, I wanted the escape the terrible, terrifying world, but all good things come to an end. 

Eren slowly unwound his arms from around me, and I hastily wiped whatever there was left of my tears from my cheeks. I looked down in shame.

"Armin? Armin, it's okay. You're fine, I'm fine, Mikasa's fine, we're all okay." He soothed me with his words, letting me lean back into him and relax. 

"Thank you." I sniffled, sighing into his chest. "I'm sorry, I'm just... nervous, I guess. D-don't get me wrong, I'm super excited too, it's just s-scary." I clung to his dark green t-shirt, wanting to be as close to him as humanly possible, and he just hugged me tighter. 

"I love you." He murmured, rubbing soothing circles into my back.

"I love you too."

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It's 3pm and I'm sitting in the waiting room of clinic, tapping my foot anxiously. Eren is here with me, muttering encouragements and trying to sooth my nerves.

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It's 3:30pm and I'm sitting in one of the beds that the clinic has, trying to stay calm. Eren is still here with me, and he is still supporting me and guiding my way. I love him.

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It's 4pm and I'm lying on a metal table. Everything is fuzzy now, I thin k im gonna j u s t  s  l e e p

a/n: okay, sorry that this chapter was so short and bad, but I was pressed for time and I really really wanted to publish this today. okay, I know I'm a horrible person for not updating, but more is coming soon! I promise! school has been pretty difficult to keep up with, but I think I can start putting more of this out for you guys. love ya!