What If?

Chapter 1

I didn't sleep much last night.  My poor Sienna had a belly ache and needed me to lay with her.  What little sleep I got was interrupted by a weird dream.  I've never had a dream about Patrick, but last night I had a dream that felt like a scene of Grey's Anatomy.  We were his car, parked in my driveway.  It started innocent, I assumed he was just dropping me off at my house.  Then I realized there was no ring on my finger and Chris' car wasn't in the driveway.  As opened the car door, I felt Patrick's hand slip around my waist and pull me closer to him.  He placed his other hand on the side of my face and softly laid his lips on mine.  I woke up just as he was saying, "I love you, El."  It may have been a dream, but it felt so real.  The kiss wasn't like our usual kisses.  The on-screen kisses really aren't emotional.  It's a job not a passion for the other person.  This kiss sent tingles down my spine.  I felt guilty for even having a dream about another man.  I couldn't back to sleep after that.  I just kept replaying the dream in my head.  I haven't seen or heard from Patrick since we filmed our last scene.  The entire dynamic of the set has been different, but I didn't feel extremely bothered by the change.  I guess my mind is trying to tell me that you can't just forget someone after being nearly best friends for 10 years.  When I finally was able to get up and get to work, the thoughts went wild again.  I looked around the parking lot half waiting for a sports car to come speeding in.  Once we were filming, I couldn't help, but notice he wasn't there.  I watched the clock waiting for the day to be over, and when it was, I practically ran to my car.  I wanted to escape everything that was going through my head.  I hit the gas and didn't let up until I pulled into a bar about two miles away.  I sat down at the bar and ordered some tequila.  Finally, some me time... or so I thought.