With Love, Q.S

Bleeding.

Thursday, two days after my born day.

Dear Mama, are you happy in there? Say yes please, Mama.

Mama, i am so sorry. I broke my promise to not cry over a boy. Like you said, a stupid boy.

'Qui, listen to Mama,' you said.

'Yes, Mama,'

'Do you love you father?'

'Yes Mama,'

'Me too, Darling,' you whispered.

'What happened, Ma?'

'listen, i want to tell you a story. Come, sit next to, Mama,'

Then i sit beside you. You hold me very tight. I heard your breath. And i know, something wrong.

'I never hate you father,' you whispered again.

'You should not to...'

'You know what, Qui? Sometimes we love someone whoe broke us,' you said slowly.

I did not say anything that time.

'I love your father so much,'

'But he brokes your heart...,' i said spontaneously.

'Yes,' you said like a whispered. I hear your breath again and again.

'Ma...,'

'Listen to me, Qui,' you said.

'Don't ever cry over a boy, a stupid boy,'

I don't understand what did you mean that time. I just listen your soft voice. I look deep into your eyes. I saw pain.

'Don't let them broke your heart, don't ever. Promise to Mama,'

I kept my mouth closed. Your eyes look deep into my eyes. I know you want to cry. But you not.

'I promise,' i said calmly.

But i don't know how hard to keep that promise.

Until, yes, i cry over boy. I let him broke my heart into pieces. And he left me without knowing how broke i am.

Mama, i am sorry. I just love the boy who like Daddy. He likes to broke me. And i let him do that. Call me stupid, Mama. But your little girl, can't stop the tears. Until now.

Something i ever asked you,

'How it feels, Ma?'

'What is it?'

'Broken heart,' i said.

You were smiling.

'What you feel when you lost your teddy bear?'

'I feel, like, my whole life, lost to,'

'How it feels when you fall from your bike?'

'Hurts. My feet bleeding,'

'Darling, when you have a broken heart, what you feel is bleeding. Like something is bleed inside youself, but the truth is, you just lost something you love the most,' you said.

I hold my breath.

'Is that, hurt?'

'So much.'

I was thought that i feel the real broken heart when you dead. All i want to do is crying. And i am crying all day.

But now, the broken heart that i feel, make me can't cry. Even i tried hard to make myself crying.

And, today, i am crying. No voice come out from my mouth. Just tears from my eyes. And i broke my promise to you. I am really sorry.

With Bleed Inside My Body,

Q.S