To Save a Life

Conversation and Information

We were walking to the nearest bus stop. I had asked if he wanted to stay longer, but he kept saying he had to get home to his sister.
I had planned on walking him all the way home when I discovered where he actually lived.
"Where are we going?" I asked as I closed my front door.
"The bus."
"Oh. Where do you live?" I asked. He looked down at the ground before muttering "Leavenworth street."
Leavenworth street was in Tenderloin, one of the worst neighborhoods in San Francisco.
"Ok. Let's go!" I say. Seemingly suprised I didn't say anything about where he lives, he walks towards the bus stop with me.
I start a conversation with him as we walk.
"So why do you have to get home for your sister?"
"She's the only one who really cares for me. She gets worried."
"What's her name?" I ask.
"Angel."
"That's a pretty name. How old is she?"
"9."
Nine?? I thought. When he said she cared for him, I imagined an older sister, not younger.
"She.. she's the only one who can calm me down from my schizophrenic episodes."
"Schizophrenic?" I ask. "I've heard of that."
"It means I see and hear stuff that isn't there sometimes." He says.
"Like what?" I ask, confused. "Sorry, I don't mean to be rude. I just don't know much about that."
"It's ok" he says. But he doesn't continue or explain. When we reach the bus stop, the bus isn't there yet. SoI ask him "Hey. You have a phone?"
"Yea." He replies. "Why?"
"So you can call me if you get into trouble again."
"Oh.." he said. He was silent for a while. Then he said "What's your number?"
He handed me a flip phone, and as I put my number in, I noticed he had two numbers in it: Angel, and Mike.
We exchanged numbers, then sat on the bench as we exchanged phones back. We sit quietly for a few minutes until the bus comes. As he gets on he turns back to me and says "Thank you Kaitlin."
I smile and say "I'll see you later Nathan." Then I watch as the bus pulls away.
                               ***
I was at the San Francisco Main Library. I walk up to the front desk and ask the librarian "Excuse me, where could I find some books on schizophrenia?"
The middle-aged woman looks at me like I asked for books on sacrificing small children to demons. "It's uh.. it's for a school report." I say. "Health class." Her expression relaxes a little and she tells me where I can find the health and medical section. Sheesh. I think, as I walk over. Some People act like just talking about mental illnesses will make them contagious. If I had asked for a book on cancer she probably would've felt sympathetic. I find the section and begin looking for anything abou schizophrenia. I find multiple.
The Complete Encyclopedia to Mental Illnesses
Dealing with a Child with Schizophrenia
Schizophrenia and Other Mental Disorders
And one just called
Schizophrenia
Well I didn't have a child with Schizophrenia, so that wasnt helpful. And the last one just seemed to be a medical book with all the scientific terms in it. Also not what I want. I picked up Schizophrenia and Other Mental Disorders, walked to the reading section of the library, and sat down in one of the low, armless rockers. Now why was I at the library and not just googling it? Well because I love libraries. I even collect library cards for cities I visit. I opened the book to the table of contents:
1. What is Schizophrenia
2. Symptoms
3. Types of Schizophrenia (and other psychotic disorders)
4. Getting help
I turned to chapter one:
"Schizophrenia is a mental disorder where one sees and interprets the world differentky in an abnormal way. In extreme cases, the person may hear or see things that arent real."
Remembering Nathan said he saw and heard things, I moved to Symptoms.
Cognitive: belief that thoughts aren't one's own, memory loss, mental confusion/salowness in activity and thought, or false belief of superiority

Behavior and speech: aggression, agitation, compulsive behavior, hyperactivity, nonsense word repetition, repetitive movements, self-harm, social isolation, disorganized behavior, or lack of restraint. Rapid or frenzid speaking, speech impairment

Psychological and mood: anxiety, depression, hallucination, paranoia/fear, persecutory delusion, religious delusion, hearing voices, or mistrust. Anger, apathy, feeling detached from self, general discontent, inability to feel pleasure, eleveated/seemingly abnormal excitment, inappropriate emotional response
Some of these sounded like Nathan, while others did not. Oh Nathan, I thought. I then checmed the book out, took it home, and began reading the whole thing.