Fall out Boy ... unexpected child

I have an interview

  Growing up half of your life with your parents and growing up the other half without your parents. That is something I learned when I started to notice that I truly didn't know my parents. I was seven when I waited for my father to pick me after school was over and he never came to pick me up, and then I went to front office of my school to inform them my father forgot to pick me up. I called him and nothing, I called my mother and she answered. She answered me in tears saying my dad killed himself. I never loved my father, I know that's a harsh thing to say but I never did. My father was a gambler and he love gambling more than his own family, and from what I just found out my mother found out my dad had over a hundred thousand dollar loan in my mother's name, and my mother called for police because what he did was illegal because he didn't have my mother consent. But you know what if you lived in Vegas nothing would surprise you and that didn't surprise me at all. My mother died about three months later, my mother would stress about every little thing. My mother being an immigrant, El Salvador, she wanted to move back there because that's where her family was. However, all that stress piled on to my mother and my mother stressed so much that she had an aneurysm and died. I lost both parents in three months. I forgot so much about them that it doesn't pain me often anymore, my mother's death was harder than my father's death, because even if my mom got mad at the small things in life she was the only person in this world that I love. Wait not love, loved. Past tense because I can't love a dead person, I loved my mother when she was alive.

  I lived in Las Vegas half of my life, but I told the agency that I didn't want to live in a city that was the reason why my parents to die. So they transfer me to Los Angeles because that was the city where I was born, now I look at my past and I see. I see that I still don't have a person who I loved like my mother. I don't know if I know how to love someone because is been so long to have someone care for me and I care for them with all my life. I am the oldest girl in this orphanage and is scary to know that nobody wants an older child, in a sense they are saying "We can't love a child who is almost thought to be a grown up". It's gotten to the point where I understand if I don't get family, and it's to the point where I am okay not ever find someone I would love as I did my mother. I know what you are thinking "Get a boyfriend" I don't want romance love to fill the void of a parent, I want a parent love. To know they will always allow me with open arms, to love me no matter the stupid choices I will make one day in the future, and to know I will always have someone I know who loves me is something I ever so want. But if I don't ever get it, it's understandable.

  I wake up with a knock on my door, I get up from my bed not caring if my black, spiral, curly hair look insane right now. One perk about being the oldest girl I have my own room because they divide rooms by age range and I am the only one who is a teen here.

 I open the door to find.... Ms. Roth, who is middle age women who I met when I first came here.

 "Morning, Ms. Roth." I said while yawning.

 She looks excited, I am nervous.

 "I got good news for you a couple is here looking for a thirteen to fifteen year old young lady.I told them we only got one child that fits that and they told me they would be here at two today for an interview with you. If I were you I would start slowly getting ready, you only got four hours." she said in a chipper and left.

 God, I hate it when people try to act happy all the time, I feel something is attacking them deep in their souls. Besides that, I got an interview. That nevers happens, this could be one of last times anyone wants a child that fits my age range.

 Since it was the weekend, I decided since I have a playing test on Monday I should practice playing my oboe. I am in my high school band and I really enjoy playing music, I can play the french horn, saxophone, and oboe. I learn these instruments in middle school and now in high school I am in our concert band, I was going to join marching band but we could not afford the fees. I guess that music is the closest thing to loving something without loving a person really and I guess it's really very therapeutic for overcoming the loss of my parents. I know that it seems kind of shallow and a little bit corny to say that but really there hasn't really been that much so far to love. Growing up without parents really is something that I would not really want anybody else to feel because you feel trapped and alone and knowing you don't have any salvation to go to because you don't ,that is one of the worst fears of the world. Music is really the closest thing from not entering that terrible black hole that is known as depression. I try really not being morbid and dark, but how can I not enter that morbid side of me.