I woke up with a start, it's just another nightmare stiles calm down. I looked at the clock just beside the bed Melissa kindly let me stay in for the night. It was around 4:00am. I went down the hall till I found Jess's room. I swung the door open and walked in, my eyes fixed on her, my eyes started to tear up. I never normally cry but God this girl means so much to me. I slid my hand in hers and began talking to her even though I knew that she wouldn't be able to hear me.
"I know you can't hear me, but I knew that even if you could you would think I'm crazy. I've practiced telling you so many times. In front of a mirror or something stupid like that" I stopped and laughed at myself. I sound like a complete looser. "Well Scott knows now. Plus I think Melissa has a suspicion now. And then there's my dad who's always known I think but just never brought it up. I don't know what I'm saying I'm just rambling on. I mean it is like 4 in the morning so who can blame me ha. I just really miss you and those like 3 weeks when we thought you were dead....they were the hardest, longest, loneliest time I think I've ever experienced."
Jess's POV
I wanted to scream! Tell him that I could hear him but I couldn't. My mouth stayed closed and my body stayed still. I wanted to return the grip he had on my hand but even though I tried, there was nothing. I listened as he continued talking.
"It felt like losing my mother all over again.... all my fault." He stopped and I heard his muffled cry. No stiles none of this was your fault! Please don't blame yourself I hate hearing you hurt this much! Please stiles.
"I'm just so sorry that I wasn't there when you needed me. I regret it everyday. If I had only asked you to stay round my house that night like I had planned. But I didn't because I'm an idiot! When you told me that you were having nightmares I wanted to help but I didn't know how to. So I thought that maybe if you slept in my bed then you would feel safe and would be able to sleep again. Like when we were younger. And because I could always sleep better to. The truth is every night I have nightmares about something unless your by my side, you seem to take all the pain and fear away. Like one night I had this dream ...
~dream~
Stiles was at a party with Jess, Scott and Allison. They had been drinking but stiles definitely hadn't had enough to be drunk and he felt fine. Although he did think he was going mad when he saw his dad turn up to the party, with a half full bottle of whiskey, wearing a black suit with red puffy eyes from crying. "YOU!" He screamed, pointing his had at stiles. "Yeah you! You freaking irritable, hyperactive bastard! You killed her!" At this point stiles was tearing up, he knew who he meant by 'her'. A crowd was forming around him and his father, they all stared in confusion. "You killed your mother! And now your killing me!!"
And then he woke up.
~end of dream~
It was killing me not being able to talk back to him, he always blames himself for his mothers death even though it was nothing to do with him, it was an illness and now he's blaming himself for what's happened to me and that wasn't his fault either.
I'm so happy that I can help him sleep though, at least I can do something right for once. I know how much his mothers death affected him, I don't know how on earth I can compare to that in anyway, shape or form.
Stiles' POV
"So, I'm sorry. But I swear on my life that from now on I'm going to do anything and everything to protect you. Because I'm never letting you go through anything like this again. And whoever tries...
Will have to go through me first." I finished and just wished that she could have heard that. I'm never going to pluck up the courage to say that to her when she's awake. So I guess she will never know. I hate myself for not being able to tell her stuff like that though because every single second of those three weeks one of the feelings that seemed to overwhelm the others was regret. For NOT being there and NOT telling her how I felt.
I slid in the bed next to her and pulled her close to me, being as gentle as possible. There was barely any room for me but I didn't care. I kissed her forehead and took her hand again, my hands were shaking uncontrollably and my breathing was starting to go uneven. I swear that if I had an inhaler then I would be fine because I could trick myself like what Scott does. When he uses the inhaler, his panic attacks stop because he's tricking himself or something like that. I closed my eyes and tried to drift to sleep, hoping it would prevent the panic.
Jess's POV
I felt his warm body against mine and his very uneven heart beat which worried me a bit. And of course his shaking hand taking mine. I hope he's ok. When he kissed my forehead I felt tingling feelings up and down my spine and a heard of elephants being let loose in my stomach. I've never felt this before.
Stiles' POV
I was just on the borderline of sleep when I felt something touch my hand. OMG Jess just moved her hand!! Stupid sleep stop, let me wake up! Uhh too late.
Hi guys!! So I'm really going to try and do an update each week. I don't really know where I'm going with this book but it's fun writing it so I'm going to continue. But I would like to split it into two books, not sure what I'm going to call yet and I'm not sure how I want this one to end before I lead to the next book but I will tell you everything when I figure it out !! Thanks guys, ly!<3
