Rub me wrong

Prologue

This is my life, a slide show of depressing movies replaying over and over, chance after chance, hope after hope, and dream after dream, my life is frozen on repeat. Wake up go to college, come home, go to work, then start all over again the next day. There is no time for anything else, quite honestly if there was I don't think I'd respond well. I act in habit, and only out of habit. That's what keeps my life together, this schedule of mine, that's why I'm still going. Honestly even though I have my life in order, I'm not happy. That's why the schedule is needed... to keep me in line. I step out of that line and who knows what could happen. Staying occupied and focusing on my work and my future that everyone believes I deserve well that's what keeps me from thinking. I've been told my thoughts are my worst enemy, the more I think, the more I question, and the more I want to step over the line and out of this schedule. The more I sit and let my mind wander the more I realize how superficial this all is. I'm living the life that everyone else wants for me. College, work, a steady relationship, and a bright future. Everything that anyone would want. But me...I don't want it. What do I want? I don't know...I just want to know happiness and know what it feels like when my smile is real. Maybe I don't deserve that though. Maybe I....here I go again about to cross the line in my mind. I don't know whats on the other side. I don't know how life could possibly be different. I just need to stick with what I know, stay on the safe side and far away from the line. I just need to stick to my schedule and I will be fine.