Rub me wrong

One bad day

I groggily open my eyes as I arise from my bed. I can see the sun peeking through my blinds, and forcing it's way into my room. My heart starts to flutter as panic fills my body. The sun should not be up at 6 a.m which could only mean one thing.....I overslept. I jump out of bed, throwing things around, trying to find my phone, trying to find the time. There's no way I could be late, not today, not with everything that's been going on lately. I finally get my hand on my phone which is 100%....dead.

"Are you fucking serious right now." I grumble as I throw on my clothes from the day before and run out the door. Rushing to the car I somehow managed to grab myself some coffee and hook my phone up to the car charger. 11:30 pops up on my dashboard as the car comes to life, sending me into more panic than I was before.

"Nononononononononooooo, it can't be this late!" I start to scream at myself as I fuss to check the time on my phone.

11:30

"No!" I cry out in defeat, hoping somehow it will change the time or allow me to wake up at the right time.

Now what? I missed my classes and there's no way I was going to talk to my professors looking like this. Honestly I was a wreck. He.....well the thought of him...has been driving me insane lately. A tingling feeling crept into my body as his eyes popped into my mind. Those big brown eyes...let me tell you, they could light you up with just one look. Instant shivers go down my spine everytime I see them. It's like electricity is being shot down my back. I can feel that electricity now. But with that comes the pain. The pain of knowing he doesn't think of me the way I think of him. Well he doesn't think of me at all. He just..

"Agh, get it together Olive. Stop thinking. Stick to the schedule...stick to it and it will all be okay."

I shake off the pain as I reach for an anxiety pill. As much as I hate them, it helps me. If I'm totally numb I'll be alright, right? I feel the numbness overcoming my brain and I can finally let out a sigh of relief. All the tension in my body is suddenly gone and I have a calm feeling overcome my body leaving me with me no thoughts, no pain, absolutely nothing. I let the feeling take over for a little, admiring the calm that comes along with the new found emptiness.

"Alright Olive, what would you normally do around now, think of the schedule"

I had already missed a few items on the schedule so I will just have to move on to the next one. Lunch. That should be easy, what could go wrong about lunch?

A small part of my mind starts to whisper "fuck the list" and for a second I'm tempted to take another anxiety pill..but even though I like this numb...I couldn't do that... I know the risks...I know how bad it is. As another thought of him crosses my mind I fight the urge once again to grab that other pill.