Rolling Stone (Got7 Fanfic)

Chapter 7 : rectify

I'm thinking about acting. What do you think, future me? Should I give it a shot? Or did I already give it a shot? I mean, I think I'm so good at acting that nobody around me could differentiate between a façade and what's real. Well except that Jackson Wang. He's the only one who noticed but that only happened once. I took extra precautions whenever he's around just in case and I think its working.

Congratulations Kim Yoonae, you have succeeded in the art of deceiving.

I show what I want people to see and conceal what I don't want them to see. I got so used to doing this that it's become second nature for me. I'm not happy about it but I'm contented. I'm doing this for the best. What about you? Are you still "acting" or did you become "real"? I sincerely hope that everything's changed by five years. Five years is a long time after all.

I hope you're happy.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry five-years-from-now Yoonae.

I'm sorry for making this letter confusing. I'm sorry for talking about my insecurities in one part then suddenly talk about him in the next part then suddenly talk about how hard it is to be a trainee in the other.

I'm sorry for not knowing why I'm writing this letter.

I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for making you regret. I'm sorry for giving you more problems. I'm sorry for making you go through everything. I'm sorry for being a mess. I'm sorry for being a disappointment. I'm sorry for hurting both of us. I'm sorry if all I could do as of now is to make sure that there will be a five-years-from-now Yoonae and I'm sorry if I'm hopelessly failing at it.

It hurts, you know? I'm not only talking about being a fake to everyone; I'm talking about everything. All this hurts. An English teacher mentioned that we our too young to think about all this, that we are too young to complain about life and how life is beautiful but I have to disagree. No one is too young to have problems and think about it. Complaining is a natural reaction of humans to things we don't like and who likes problems? Surely, no one. Then there's that thing about life. Life . Life has two sides to it: the good and the bad. Sadly, the bad is forever inevitable and we are all bound to it – some having it worse than others while some having it better than others. The bad blinds everyone it consumes; it eats all that it could get its hands on. I'm not saying that I disagree that life is beautiful but as of now, as of my perspective, I can't see beauty in life.

I am being blinded slowly by grief, by loneliness, by darkness and all I want is to be able to see the beauty life has to offer once again.

Are you crying right now like me? Knowing you, you probably started crying the moment you read this letter. I hope you're crying because you're happy that you went through all this.

Maybe that's why I'm writing this letter – to make you look back and tell yourself that it's okay to cry because yes, your past is sad but it's the reason why you were able to finally see the beauty in life.

ⓡⓞⓛⓛⓘⓝⓖ♧ⓢⓣⓞⓝⓔ

We continued practicing when one of the mentors scolded us for being too noisy and told us that we should set our priorities straight which is preparing for the monthly assessment.

We all bowed while muttering half-hearted 'sorrys'. I glanced at Ji-U and noticed that she was annoyed because someone was being a party pooper. I chuckled to myself at my friend's funny reaction. I swear this girl is the best.

Before leaving, the mentor gave us one last warning look. As soon as we knew that the coast was clear, we all started laughing and started fooling around again. Ji-U stood up and a serious expression was plastered on her face that everyone stopped fooling around and looked at her curiously.