My relationship with food is the only constant thing in my life.
It never abandoned me. It was always there to comfort me.
Whenever I feel alone, vulnerable, depressed, pressured, I eat.
I eat because it never judged me.
I know that it is slowly destroying me but can you blame me?
If almost every day of your life you are reminded by people of your flaws, stupidity?
When you are slowly being destroyed emotionally by the people around you?
Being destroyed mentally by all the things you need to fucking learn even though you absolutely hate it!
Sometimes I wish that I was never born.
Delinquents are lucky that they can vent their frustration to violence or some other things that they use as a coping mechanism.
Me? I don't have that choice, food is the only thing that is there for me.
A constant reminder that I am a fat bastard who is being viewed as an embarrassment to this family.
I tried starving myself once, it didn't work.
I know that I have an eating disorder but admitting it isn't helping me either.
It just reminds me of how much of a failure I am.
A disappointment to everyone.
I want to kill myself but I'm a coward because I can't even do that.
I think i'll just sleep early, go to class tomorrow, and smile.
Smile to people who barely knows me just to mask the disappointment that is me.
Smile to people that I know someday will forget me, like every single people that I've met in this pathetic life of mine.
I am done.
I'll just wait for my death to come and if food is the cause of my death then I'll happily smile eating my life out.
After all, it is the only constant relationship that I've ever had.
