Burning Souls

Only Anger

After some 20 days from the day the batch started. Everybody knew Sheena lived in Chris’s street and the back row group started talking about Chris.

“He is a normal boy.” said one of them.

“No, he has got good looks, but he is not into girls, I think.” another said.

“He is a loser. He doesn’t know anything about girls.” One of them said.

Chris knew they think of him as a loser and the first feelings of low self esteem started emerging inside Chris.

“Brother is here, shut up all.” said Tidi one day when Chris entered the tuition within a month after their batch started. Chris was deeply shocked by hearing this. He never felt this type of strange loser feeling in the past 16 years of schooling. It was an insult, fucking insult . He knew Tidi was calling him, only because he could not hit Sheena. But he didn’t show any resistance or made face, Chris went straight to his chair and started reading. Burying that shocked insult inside him, because his mind doesn’t know how to respond with that type of situation.

Next day, When Chris entered, he saw Tidi in the face with neutral expression and went to front row.

Between laughter from back row, Chris heard Tidi saying “Hey, don’t do that otherwise the brother would be angry.”

“No the brother will not be.” one of them said.

“Ya, that’s also true, he is stupid and weak.” said Tidi, the little sisterfucker rat.

Chris was again shocked, but continued reading pretending he hasn’t heard. David was now the member of the back row group. Sometimes Chris would also talk to them; after all he hasn’t committed a murder, or insulted anyone or taunted anyone. He was a safe boy. But Chris could almost read their thoughts, thinking of him as a loser, whenever they see Sheena. Sheena was a becoming curse for him at that age, where self respect in testosterone charged boys is main thing. Chris was a slave of his hormones.

The next day,

“I wonder God has made this kind of beings also.” said Tidi.

“Brother of every girl.”

Shortly afterwards while the taunting continued daily, One day Sheena was sitting in first seat, this was close to Chris’s. Chris wasn’t talking to Sheena. Everyone was busy solving problems. Chris heard Tidi saying to the group,

“Brother would care for his sister.” and there was laughter.

“Hey you, atleast talk to her.” Chris heard Tidi saying from behind and knew Sheena has also heard.

“Hey brother!”

“Loser”

“Brother is immersed in his studies.” It was Tidi’s voice.

“It’s enough, let him study.” one of the member of that group said.

After a month of suppressing these insulted taunts, Chris conscience was telling him that Sheena knew of boys saying him ‘Brother’ in the tuition. He was sure Sheena now also thinks of him as a weak boy. By thinking this, his levels of serotonin would suddenly drop, he would get caught in the web low self esteem. His positive conscience would say to him that he should not change himself, because he was what he was. His testosterone levels were saying to him just get that man responsible for this, get Tidi, beat the hell out of him, fuck him with a brick, kill him. He was worried of his image in the tuition and it was all because Sheena lived in his street and she wasn’t with her and Tidi was constantly criticizing him. He felt a great rage, he wanted to get rid of this, and he doesn’t wanted people to call him ‘Brother’.

“He is a beautiful brother.”

“An intelligent brother.”

“What a brother.”

Brother, brother, brother, brother, brother, brother, brother, brother.......... Chris hated this word.

One more month passed, with Tidi saying Chris ‘Brother’ openly in tuition behind his back. He never called him in front of his face. The typical attitude of a motherfucker rat. Chris was constantly filled with rage. He hated himself being called as a brother. He would go home and would just get caught in his thoughts of low self esteem; everyday seemed to him as a torture, he could not suppress these insults, because he has never been insulted around his friends before. And he never faced a situation like this. He lost concentration in all his subjects. Whenever he would be free all he would think about was the taunts fired at him by Tidi. He was depressed now, but no one noticed it in his home, because he was good at hiding feelings. When he didn’t respond to the insults in the tuition, this would encourage him and made all of them to think that he was a born loser. He hated Tidi and wanted to kill him slowly and painfully. Chris had friends in previous school, but all would simply talk about sex, girls and games. All were same, no one was loser or no one was above others.

The back row group never disturbed Chris or fired taunts at him except that fucking little sisterfucker rat, they were proud of themselves and think Chris of some unwanted human being. Chris didn’t matter to them. They felt like they were elephants and Chris was a dog or jackal or any small creature, whom they didn’t care about.

At some other day, when Chris was walking to his chair, Tidi slapped a book at his head from behind and was smiling, looking at Chris in eyes, thinking of how weak Chris was. While Chris saw a rat standing and smiling. Chris sat on the chair and started studying, pretending nothing has happened as usual. Tidi was not a member of back row group, but he found his way to their group with his extroverted nature. Otherwise he was a small creature.

“Brother and sister should sit together, in this way they could talk at least.” Chris heard from back row.

“But Brother is too shy, he wouldn’t even look at his sister.” again laughter from back row.

“He cannot defend his sister.”

“He cannot defend himself even.”

Chris couldn’t concentrate on his studies anymore. He couldn’t concentrate on anything now, even pc games. He has never felt so low in his past sixteen years. He was always surrounded with friends in previous school. He never felt a loser or alone or single.

“What a great loser brother, someone has got in the tuition.” Chris ignored him as he has done in past months.

“Hey, brother, you are studying hard. Don’t study hard otherwise who would care for your sister. Ha ha ha” said Tidi.

“Hey, don’t disturb him he is studying.” someone said from back.

“Loser Brother.”

Chris hated when he would enter math tuition, seeing those boys smiling at face after looking him, thinking of him as a weak, stupid boy. There smiling proud faces like they were perfect made Chris felt low from inside and hate them more and more. He was sure Sheena knew who was called Brother at the tuition and she also thinks of him as a weak, stupid, shy boy.

One day after months of taunting, Tidi called Chris by his name. Chris looked back towards him.

“He is calling you Brother.” said Tidi looking in the eyes of Chris and smiling pointing towards one of them.

Chris was filled with instant rage. But didn’t said anything, just looked at Tidi with a neutral expression.

“Hey, don’t you want to answer him back?” said Tidi again.

Chris ignored him and continued reading.

“Say something, brother.”

“Defend yourself.” and laughter from back row.

Chris’s performance in the tuition was dropping day by day. The professor knew the reason.