The Time Capsule

Chapter 6

"I never thought I can find such beauty in a place. The moist grass against my bare feet, the whistle of the trees—it was beautiful. Even more so because he was with me and he was holding my hand in his."

- From Corazon's Diary

Father Guevarra was as old as my grandmother, maybe older. Was he the man who gave his shoulders for my grandmother to cry on when Antonio left?

He walked and talked like he had all the time in the world but whenever he opened his mouth, everyone was not sleeping. Everyone had their attention focused on him. He shared with us his own time with my grandmother, how she used to visit him in church and talk about almost everything.

"I know everything about Corazon but I'm sorry to say that I am not allowed to tell you all. What I can share with you though is how she changed the way I see things. I know it should have been the opposite. Corazon, or Cora as what most of us call her, had a life that most of us may find not so dramatic but let me tell you, my dear brothers and sisters, that Cora lived a life that was full of love..." as he said the last word, Father Guevarra's eyes darted toward me.

I wasn't sure if he meant anything by it.

"When she was feeling down, she would always say that the Lord would understand even if others couldn't. She was a happy woman and we all love her greatly for pouring all the love she had in her heart in every word and action that she said and did..."

As Father Guevarra continued his words, I couldn't help but feel that same feeling of longing. I was not among those who nodded their heads in agreement because I never knew her.

🌳🌳🌳

"When I was young, my mother told me stories," I said, looking up from my tab to stare at the crowd of mourners who gathered for my grandmother's funeral. "She told me stories of a great woman who I soon learned was my grandmother. Unluckily for me, I never had the chance to meet her for reasons I am no longer interested to find out. I have thought for a long time that Wawa didn't care for me until I found out days ago that she actually constantly talked to my Yaya, asking how I was doing. I don't know why the two of them had to keep it a secret, but I want to believe it was her way of reaching out to her only grandchild."

I took a few moments to breathe before I continued.

"Today, to be surrounded by people who knew her more than I, makes me feel a great deal of regret, jealousy and longing." I didn't look at anyone in particular as I roamed my eyes at everyone before me. "Regret that it is too late, that I thought I still had a lot of time to take the courage to reach out to her. Passing thoughts would come to me. Should I reach out now? Nah, it's late. Perhaps tomorrow, or the next day... next month? Oh, I'm so busy, maybe next year." I smiled bitterly and sighed.

I cleared my throat and continued. "Jealous. I'm jealous of all of you because I never felt her love like you all did. Was it warm? Tender? Every little good things combined? I would never know, would I?" I saw a few wipe their eyes. I bit my lower lip from doing the same. "And I long. I long for even just a little of that love."

My voice cracked at the last word and I swallowed to compose myself.

I was about to end my speech. I could hang in there for a few more seconds.

But the impetuous me did something that changed everything.

At the last moment, I closed my tab and delivered something fresh from my mind. I was no longer in full control of my words. After everything I have read from my grandmother's diary and the more I was yet to read, after all the things that everyone said about her, after my very own speech, I wanted to do the only idea that had been running around my mind since yesterday. It was just a tiny thought lurking in the corner of my mind and I never bothered to entertain it until this very moment.